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  1. #1
    Reborn's Avatar
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    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Chapter 1: Born Generation


    Land...That is what this war is about. The war between the Daimyou of, what we all know as Lightning Country, and that of the Frost Country is over territory, as most wars are. The Daimyou in control of the Lightning Country has acquired the vast majority of the North Eastern region of the continent, he is one of the most powerful Daimyou...In this time, a time that has been in this same way for centuries, it is the money that controls the power of your military. This is the Dark Ages of society. The Sage of 6 Paths, the founder of Ninjutsu, revolutionized the world, in the hopes of using his powers and teachings for the greater good, but alas, the imperfection of the human race: the desire for power, has lead this magnificence away from it's intended path, and has brought about a path of destruction, which only feeds into the virus called war.

    Clan Leader “Everybody hold formation! Force them into a corner!”

    Thousands among thousands of shinobi are clashing blades with one another. The only thing that can be seen is a large bunch of people. It looked almost like a small island, the way they were all against each other. However, the dim gray clouds overhead, along with their plain, metal plated armor showed colorless shadows for miles. The shinobi fighting for the Lightning country wore yellow bands around their head, while those representing the Frost country wore white.

    Clan Leader “Take no prisoners!”

    It appeared as if the shinobi baring yellow were gaining the upper hand. In the large mountainous terrain where the two armies clash, the Lightning Country shinobi have force back the Frost shinobi into a passage leading down hill. The Lightning shinobi maintain the higher ground against their enemies. The back flanks of the Lightning army begin raining down shuriken, kunai, and arrows down towards the their enemies. Several more Frost shinobi fall as a result. The front flanks of the Lightning shinobi continue forcing their enemies down hill, while their back flanks rain down projectiles that take out fast numbers. As the two forces continue down, they begin, nearing a cliff, leading down to sea.

    Clan Leader “Scatter! Formation 11!”

    All shinobi in the front lines of the Lightning Country begin leaping away, up the tress and mountains to the side of them. The leader of the force stands ahead on the battle field, with his back flank behind him. The Frost shinobi begin to advance, however they're still pelted down on with projectiles. The clan leader makes a three seals.

    Clan Leader “Doton: Iwayado Kuzushi (Earth Release: Rock Lodging Destruction)

    The rocks and stones from the mountains, that surround the two armies begin to fall and collapse down onto the shinobi from the Frost Country. Large stones fall heavily, killing several shinobi instantly and also, roll down, running them over forcing them down hill even further. The cries of the shinobi in getting crushed, and ran over by the stones and bolders goes on for several minutes. The shinobi from the Frost Country run even further down hill, trying to retreat from the avalanche of stone. As they see themselves getting closer to the cliff side they realize they're trapped. They hold their ground as best they can against the falling stones but they're unable hold up against the several tones of force pressing against them, with the added advantage of the gravity. Starting from the back the shinobi from the Frost Country begin falling over the cliff. The fall, many hitting the jagged stone below, many falling to safely into the water, but later being impacted by the stones that follow after them as they fall. As the last shinobi from the Frost Country falls overboard the shinobi from the Lightning Country let out a huge victory cry.

    Lightning Shinobi “HOORAH!!”

    The battle of the day goes to the shinobi from the Lightning Country. The shinobi retreat back to their camp. As they do they pass dozens of dead shinobi...not just from the Frost Country but many of their own men. As they pass through the battle field littered with the bodies of their comrades they simply chant victory as they move along. The bodies on the field are not the bodies of just men...but women as well, kunoichi. There are also children no younger then the age of 14 dead on this battle field. The arts of Ninjutsu are not exclusive, nor are the clans formed by shinobi exclusive. Men, women, children all practice these arts. And just as men, women, and children practice these arts, they also participate in these wars and face the same consequence as everybody else.
    Several Hours Pass

    Night has come into the land. The clouds have gone and it's a clear night sky. The stars shine bright overhead and the full moon is brighter then it has been for a long time. A roaring fire, in a large pit shoots upwards. The fire appears as if it was reaching for the sky, trying to reach the stars. The fire stands in the center of a large camp, tents and huts spread out around the entire area, for what seems like a mile. Around the fire, shinobi chant in celebration of their victory. They sit, drinking Sake, and eating grilled fish and rice. All over the area people are doing their own thing. Many sit by the fire, others take a stroll around the camp, and sit in their tents...others arrive carrying body bags, throwing them in a pile behind the camp....

    Lightning-nin “Hey everybody the Daimyou is here!”

    The music, singing and all activity stops as the Daimyou of the Lightning Country arrives with his imperial guards by his side, carrying him. They stop and the Daimyou gets out. The leader from today's earlier battle steps forward. He bares the insignia of the Yotsuki Clan, tattooed on his neck.

    Clan Leader “Raiga-sama, it's an honor. What brings you here?”

    Raiga “I've just received a message from the Daimyou from the Land of Frost. He wishes to discuss his surrender. I came here to congratulate you for your excellent leadership of this army and I request that you come to work for me as one my personal bodyguards and tactical advisers.”

    Clan Leader “I am very honored Raiga-sama, however my loyalty is too my clan. I could never abandon my family, even for such an honor as the one you've just given me. As a shinobi, my pride for my fellow comrades that have died to serve me is too great to leave them”

    Raiga “That is a very noble trait. Truly admirable of you to stick by your family through the anything, but my boy, I extend this offer for your entire clan to remain in my country, under my rule. You shall become part of my country's military. You and your clan will become wealthier then you've ever been before under me and you shall live a glorious life for your clan under me”

    Clan Leader “I...I don't know what to say...”

    Raiga “Do you accept?”

    The clan leader turns and he looks back. The members from his clan all nod towards their leader in acceptance, wishing for him to accept. He then looks at the other shinobi who aren't from his clan. He sees no discontent with his offer yet they silently encourage him to take the offer as well.

    Clan Leader “I will accept this offer under one condition my Lord...All these men besides me, not all of them bare from the Yotsuki clan. They hail from other clans, from other areas, with their own traditions and their own ways. Yet they've stayed by my side, by my clan's side. I know it would be a stretch to offer them the same deal as you offer me and my clan, and I know how some of their clan leaders may not accept as I have for their own reasons...I only ask that you reward them as well. I may have led them, but it was their willingness to cooperate with me and accept me as their leader, and what is a leader without followers?”

    The rest of the shinobi look at each other and whisper, in surprise to the statement of the shinobi.

    Raiga “Such a charismatic leader, even to those he has not ties to...Very well, I will grant, another 75,000,000ryo to the joint army for their success in this war

    Note: 75,000,000ryo=750,000,000yen=approx. 9.75 Million U.S Dollars.


    The whole army lifts their arms up in celebration and they cheer. The clan leader bows to the Daimyou, in which he, and his clan now serve as a whole. The Daimyou walks back to his guards and they leave the camp. The festivities of the camp begins again. By the fire a man sits by the fire counting a large wad of money and coins.

    Shinobi “Yo Shin, don't act like some big shot just because we got some more money. You know it goes to the clan and not us directly right”

    Shin “Ah shut up, I know that. This is just the money I took from some of those dead guys back at the field”

    Shinobi “What?! Are you serious?”

    Shin “Relax it wasn't any of our guys on our side.”

    Shinobi “Hey even still it's bad luck. Messing with the dead, no matter if they were our enemies or not, that's bad luck”

    Shin “You know I don't believe in that whole supernatural horse shit”

    Shinobi “Fine, suit yourself, but when you begin having nightmares about dead shinobi and you get haunted, don't say I didn't warn you”

    Shin “If I'm haunted I'll just tell the ghosts that you took some of the money too”

    Shinobi “That's a lie!”

    Shin “They won't know that”

    Shinobi “Whatever!”

    Clan Leader “It's not a matter of luck but dishonoring the dead”

    The head of the Yotsuki clan walks up to the two shinobi.

    Shin “Dishonoring the dead? We're the ones who made them dead, so what's the big deal with this”

    Clan Leader “We met them on the battle field as enemies, but just because we fight as enemies doesn't mean we disrespect them. As shinobi we fight with pride, we fight against our enemies, but we show them the respect they deserve. That's the way of ninjutsu, that's the way of the shinobi”

    Shin “Yeah, well it's not my way, and just because you led this army doesn't give you the right to tell me what I can and can't do. Remember, the Daimyou just ended this war. You don't tell me what to do anymore”

    Clan Leader “He didn't declare this war over, he only said that he was going to discuss a treaty with the Frost Daimyou, until then you are still under my rule. I'm you're leader and you will show me some respect”

    Shin “You want to fight?!”

    Shinobi “Shin, calm down”

    Shin “No I won't calm down, I'm tired of this guy always acting like him and his clan are the best. Just because he's leader doesn't mean he can't be put in his place”

    Clan Leader “You're not worth my time. Do what you want, lead a dishonorable life and continue to disgrace your clan. Like you said, I have no authority over you”

    The shinobi turns and walks away.

    Shin “See he's nothing but a coward, too afraid to face off in a fight one on one”

    Shinobi “(sighs) Shin you really need to calm down, one of these days you're going to screw up real bad and it's going to come back to bite you in the ass.”

    Shin “You don't know what you're talking about”

    The fire continues to reach towards the sky. The sky still remains clear and the moon remains bright...
    In the Forests of the Lightning Country

    The dreadful cries of a woman can be heard. The cries can be heard for miles through the dead silence of the forests. Nobody body is within ear shot of these horrible cries of pain. The cries of the woman is the only thing that breaks the silence of the forest. Kasumi lays in bed inside of her home. She screams in pain as her two daughters simply watch, not knowing what to do. Kasumi pants heavily, sweating.

    Rei “Mommy, what's wrong?! Why are you screaming...”

    Kasumi “(panting) Rei...Saki...please...go get me some towels”

    Rei runs out of the room to go do what her mother says. Saki looks at her mother worryingly. She looks into the eyes of her mother, which haven't changed since that day. Her eyes were filled with nothingness, no emotion, no expression. Everyday...since that day Kasumi's eyes remained in a darkened state, as if the soul had been sucked out of her, or brutally murdered after that day. Saki eventually heads out to follow her little sister. They bring back the towels for their mother and place them under her....Kasumi began screaming again. She tried to hold it in as best she could, so she didn't scare her daughters. During every pause she would look into their eyes and let out a fake smile. Both Rei and Saki could see through their mother's false reassurance and simply looked at her with more worry. The contractions were getting closer and closer together and she was dilated. After several more minutes Kasumi began crowning. Rei and Saki were holding their mother's hands. As Kasumi began to push, the painful expression on her face grew. She began squeezing her daughters' hands harder and harder to try and sooth her pain.

    Rei “Mommy...you're hurting...me”

    Kasumi takes a breath and releases Rei and Saki's hands. Saki never took her eyes away from her mother's. Saki grabbed her mother's hand as she began to push again. Saki kept her eyes on her mother, the light was slowly leaving her mother's eyes every second that passed. She saw her mother's eyes get darker and darker with depression.

    Saki “Mommy...you'll be alright...I promise...me and Rei will take care of you...it'll be alright”

    Kasumi doesn't even acknowledge her daughter or her words, she simply continues to stare out into space. Although she's in a mountain of pain, her eyes only show a dieing entity that stares into spaces. She stares, as if fascinated by something, as if she were trance.

    Kasumi “*Why...why is this happening to me?*”

    **Flashback**

    Note: A week after Kasumi's rape


    The day shines bright. A clear sky with a bright sun stands over the Lightning Country. Kasumi sits outside on the grass next to Saki. Rei is off chasing a butterfly that rides the air like gentle paper blowing through the wind. Kasumi has yet to forget of the day that she experience only a week ago, but in reality she knew she never would. However, having Saki sleeping on her shoulder and watching Rei enjoy herself, it almost made it seem insignificant. The worst had passed in her mind. Although she may never forget it, she could always have the time get rid of the pain through her daughters...seeing them smile, seeing them at peace...couldn't she?

    Rei “Mommy, mommy, look! I caught it see!”

    Rei comes over with her hands cupped together. Rei opens her hands and the butterfly stands on her hand. The beautiful pattern on its wings made Rei smile with such a bright nature. Kasumi didn't even look at the insect but smiled at her daughter's smile.

    Kasumi “It's beautiful baby”

    While Kasumi looks at her daughter holding the butterfly, Saki opens one of her eyes and looks up at her mother. She sees the depression in her eyes loosen. She sees light begin to return to her eyes and happiness as well. Saki smiles and closes her eye and begins to go back to sleep...The three remain outside for hours until the sun begins to duck down. Rei and Saki return into the house, while Kasumi remains to pick up the blanket. She stands up and immediately her head begins to spin. Her equilibrium is off and she stumbles. She grabs onto the side of her house to prevent her from falling. Her head and her stomach feel out of place and all of a sudden, you of nowhere, Kasumi drops to her knees and she vomits. She holds her stomach and a few seconds after, she does it again. She stands up right feeling dazed and holds her stomach. She trembles involuntarily and she holds out both her hands in front of her, looking at her trembling body. Kasumi grabs the blanket and heads inside the house, shakily. Both Saki and Rei notice their mother's awkward behavior but neither say anything. Kasumi walks into the bathroom, throwing the blanket in the laundry basket an stumbles, grabbing onto the sink to prevent her from falling. Tears are rolling down her eyes at this point in time, as she raises her head and looks at her face. The tears roll down her face, as she's begins to realize what has happened to her.

    Kasumi “No...no...please God no...”

    She feels the twisting of her stomach and she closes her eyes again painfully as she tries to sooth herself.

    Kasumi “Please...This can't happen...of all things....”

    Kasumi's stomach continues to pain her until she can't take it anymore. She gets down to the toilet and vomits again. Rei and Saki witness this and they immediately go into help their mother.

    Saki “Mommy, what's wrong?!”

    Kasumi “*Why...why is this abomination inside me?...*”

    Rei and Saki crab their mother's hands and Kasumi lifts her head up and turns to her daughters. She sees the worry in their eyes and she tries to consul them by showing them a fake smile. Despite this, Saki looks into her mother's eyes and sees that light from earlier that day fade. She sees that happiness from the day turn into sadness and excruciating pain...From that point on Kasumi's pain only grew as she knew that she was baring the child of her rapist
    **End Flashback**

    A baby lay at the bottom of the bed crying, covered in blood. Saki and Rei look down and they see the newborn child crying and reaching out for somebody. Kasumi struggles to sit up and she grabs the newborn baby. He wraps him up in one of the clean towels and holds him. She holds him but not with affection. She looks down at the child with such resentment and scorn. Her face doesn't express these emotions but the vibes are so strong that Saki and Rei could tell the unusual aura around their mother, and even the baby cringed as he too, felt the scorn of his mother.

    Saki “Mommy...”

    Kasumi lays back down into the bed, he body feeling extremely weak. She still holds the baby in her arms, looking at it.

    Kasumi “*So...this is it...this is my reminder of that day...the reminder of my pain?...no this is my pain, you taunt me...such an evil child...such an ugly evil existence...you only wish to torture me*”

    The baby stops crying and whining.

    Kasumi “*My body...my body is so weak...I can't move...I've...never felt this way before...I've never felt such pain before in my whole life*”

    The baby moves his arms free and begins swaying them, as if he were looking for something to grab onto.

    Kasumi “*My body...it hurts...it's so weak...I don't want to...to...”

    Rei “Mommy!”

    Kasumi hears her daughter's voice and her eyes widen, being brought out of her trance. She turns and looks at Rei who has a river of tears flowing down her face, filled with worry for her mother. Kasumi lifts one of her arms, struggling, to reach Rei's face and wipe the tears from them.

    Kasumi “*I can't...I can't leave my girls...I have to stay strong...I have to stay strong for them*”

    Saki “*Mommy...she's weak...I have to do something...what can I do*”

    Kasumi “Rei-chan...Saki-chan...don't worry...I'll be fine”

    Rei “Mommy you look really sick”

    Saki “Idiot don't say that! Mommy is not sick!”

    Kasumi “Shhh...shhh both of you...it'll be alright I promise”

    Saki “See, she said it'd be alright...so stop crying Rei”

    Tears flow down Saki's face as well, she knows something is deadly wrong with her mother...The light begins leaving faster and faster from Kasumi's eyes. No matter how hard she tries, her life force continues to leave her...and Saki can see it all too well.

    Kasumi “*I have to....fight...I...I*”

    Kasumi's body begins failing her. Her consciousness slips away and her eyes begin to go dark as well as her mind. Kasumi fights and fights but her body isn't letting her...neither is her soul. The pain in her heart is too psychologically damaging...although she wants to fight back...her body...and her mind simply wants the pain to stop...and Kasumi has no say in this matter.

    Kasumi “*Damn...damn it...why can't I...I...I* Rei...Saki...it'll...be okay”

    Tears begin to fall down her eyes as she tries to smile to reassure her daughters that everything will be alright. She forces a smile on her face, in denial herself, believing that she can overcome it...however she knows what waits for her...she can see death staring her right in the face, offering her his hand, and the more she tries to pull away, the closer his own hand gets to her.

    Kasumi “*Damn it...it's you...you're sucking away my life...you bastard of a child...you...you curse not only me but my daughters too...what are you*”

    Kasumi's eyes begins to close, death's hand is mere inches away from her...mere inches away from guiding her into the afterlife. Her eyes are closing, her breaths are getting faint, her energy leaving her...Saki and Rei begin shaking their mother vigorously trying to wake her, trying to stop her from leaving them....it's at that moment where a small hand grabs the collar of her kimono. Her eyes are closing but before they do they shift downwards to see the newborn child grabbing hold of her...and hugging her...before she slips away she feels a warming sensation...something she hadn't felt before. She felt a warmth that made all her pain go away for a brief moment. On her death bed...despite all the pain she felt, the moment that child hugged her...it all went away.

    Kasumi “*what is this...everything is...gone* Ki...yo...shi”

    Involuntarily she has named her newborn...She has named him after the magnificent feeling she just felt...not knowing of what she said...nor knowing where the feeling of pureness came from...her resentment still remained for the child, despite not knowing how wonderful he made her feel...

    Shinigami “It is time for us to depart...it shall be alright...you're children shall live...”


    The God touches Kasumi and brings her into his embrace.

    Rei and Saki shout “Mother! Mother!” but Kasumi doesn't respond...Kasumi's eyes fall and her body relaxes...

    Kasumi “Rei...Saki...Don't worry...Everything....will...be...al...”

    Kasumi's sentence never finishes as her eyes close. Her face drenched with water from her tears...tears still run down her faces as they also run down the face of Rei and Saki. Rei continues to shake their mother trying to wake her but Saki stops. She turns and looks down at her newborn brother Kiyoshi...anger and rage of the highest possible caliber are within her heart.

    Saki “*You...you killed our mother...*”
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Authored by
    ~naruto kyuubi & Reborn~

    For all those who read the prologue to this series, we, naruto kyuubi and myself, thank you for being patient and also we thank you for being interested in this series. To give a little brief summery of the series, we will be focusing on the character Kiyoshi Yuki (as name is in the title) and his story, starting from birth. If any of you have read my pervious series Bonds of Shinobi, you will notice that Kiyoshi has made a few appearances in my later chapters. This is following the same general time setting as my previous series, with the exception of the events before the creation of the shinobi villages and feudal system. This will follow a different plotline, with a different cast, and a different focus entirly. This chapter was mainly focusing on the birth of Kiyoshi, while also showing the world around him and him, as a war infested world. For those of you, just joining, I suggest you read the prologue first. Thank you, and we hope you enjoy

    Main Character Key:
    Kiyoshi
    Saki
    Rei
    Manami
    Aiko
    Daichi
    Musoumaru
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Previous
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue
    Following
    ~Part 1: Birth of a Generation~
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi II
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi III
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi IV
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi V
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi VI
     
         
    Last edited by Reborn; 11-09-2011 at 02:13 AM.

  2. #2
    A Silence Type Ashalita Phoenix's Avatar
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    I am finally back here and it
    feels great. I miss this place
    so much.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    OMG!!!! I love it. The wording captivated me completely and also it brings the setting to life. Great Job
     
         

  3. #3
    Member naruto kyuubi's Avatar
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashalita Phoenix View Post
    OMG!!!! I love it. The wording captivated me completely and also it brings the setting to life. Great Job
    thnx for liking it.its from both me and reborn
     
         

  4. #4
    I am an amazing Friend Yuka's Avatar
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    I like it
     
         

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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Nice
     
         

  6. #6
    Member naruto kyuubi's Avatar
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    thanx all
     
         

  7. #7
    Reborn's Avatar
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashalita Phoenix View Post
    OMG!!!! I love it. The wording captivated me completely and also it brings the setting to life. Great Job
    I'm an overly descriptive type of writter, in most things that I write. My teachers call me a perfectionist because I can go on for pages describing something. Anyway thank you, this series is going to have powerful emotional impact here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuka View Post
    I like it
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Johninto Uchiha~ View Post
    Nice
    Thanks x2 lol :D
     
         

  8. #8
    My Art is A Blast!! Uzumaki Sasuke's Avatar
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    I hope it will not have a sad ending like Bonds of a Shinobi. Other than that I liked it.
     
         

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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    At starting i thought that its suck,but now its very nice. I like it. Good job both of u. Keep it up
     
         

  10. #10
    Reborn's Avatar
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Quote Originally Posted by Uzumaki Sasuke View Post
    I hope it will not have a sad ending like Bonds of a Shinobi. Other than that I liked it.
    Can't tell you, you'll have to wait and see, also thanks for reading my other series :D

    Quote Originally Posted by +Kyon+ View Post
    At starting i thought that its suck,but now its very nice. I like it. Good job both of u. Keep it up
    First part is symbolic, one of the characters in perticular, and it'll get better. The second part was a little harder to write, but thank you.
     
         

  11. #11
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    nice i really like it

    Read The New Chapter of The Chronicles Of The Legendary Storm

    http://www.narutobase.net/forums/showthread.php?t=99502
     
         

  12. #12
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Man, I feel really sorry for this little family. I've read the 2nd ch as well, which made me feel even worse for them; I'll be commenting there next...
    The entire chapter was good, I was interested throughout.
    One thing I felt that was really cool, was how Kasumi was fighting for life. Usually in films/stories, its so typical when ladies just look @ their child, and then they're gone. Which is sad, but I felt this was cool because it was unusual, plus, it brought powerful emotion.
    Oh, and I'd never imagine a shinigami to sound so reassuring .
    "You. You killed our mother." That's a niice ending.
    One thing I'm still sort of surprised about, is that, she'd hate the child. I mean, I've heard of (well, fictional) stories, where mothers would come to love their child, no matter how they were conceived, or who the father was. I have read of opposing reactions, though more rare.
    Still, she's a single mother, no support, so it could be circumstance. Understandable.
    Poor kid. It's not his fault. >.>
     
         

  13. #13
    Reborn's Avatar
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Quote Originally Posted by Train View Post
    Man, I feel really sorry for this little family. I've read the 2nd ch as well, which made me feel even worse for them; I'll be commenting there next...
    The entire chapter was good, I was interested throughout.
    One thing I felt that was really cool, was how Kasumi was fighting for life. Usually in films/stories, its so typical when ladies just look @ their child, and then they're gone. Which is sad, but I felt this was cool because it was unusual, plus, it brought powerful emotion.
    Oh, and I'd never imagine a shinigami to sound so reassuring .
    "You. You killed our mother." That's a niice ending.
    One thing I'm still sort of surprised about, is that, she'd hate the child. I mean, I've heard of (well, fictional) stories, where mothers would come to love their child, no matter how they were conceived, or who the father was. I have read of opposing reactions, though more rare.
    Still, she's a single mother, no support, so it could be circumstance. Understandable.
    Poor kid. It's not his fault. >.>
    The part where she was fighting for her life was an unusual twist but I wanted to show how she felt the love for Saki and Rei, to feel responsible enough to want to stay and fight, however the rest of her wanted to die as everything she had been through was too much for her physically, mentally, and psycologically (spelling). Basically I was saying Maternal love and responsibility<Her pain as a whole.

    Well this may be my bias here (look at my avatar and my note under it), but you can be welcomed by death gently, or gracefully. In this case, the Shinigami was the pushing force that forced her death, because he felt bad for her pain. Despite knowing of the pain of the children and what they would endure, he felt compasion for Kasumi at that moment. God(s) favors everybody, but to favor the whole you must favor individuals as well. He even said that her children shall live, meaning he won't write their deaths, until he sees fit. Also with death, he takes you from the plan of the living and guids you to the afterlife...he dosn't decide where you will go into that afterlife, meaning he doesn't decide whether you shall end in a Heaven or Hell, but as he can see the pain of people (as I demonstrated) He can see the nature of people, and predict how they turn out, meaning he may know how they will end up, once he does take them, and an afterlife in the Heavens is a stronger blessing then the physical life you have on earth (if you can see where I'm going with this)

    I've seen cases where mothers truely resent their children. It was in was in situations like this. I've seen in some psycology passages, as to why this happens. It's not really hard for them to understand but, when a woman is raped, it brings them to a shameful level. They feel ashamed of themselves for the situation that happened, and they feel all sorts of negitave emotions (hate, fear, anger, confusion, etc..) and it leads to depression. Now that's what happened to Kasumi, now being impregnated increased the strength of those feelings. The reason is: now she is carrying inside of her a constent reminder of what happened to her. During pregnacy there's all sorts of pains, and horomones flying by that increase the stress of mental and psycological illness (I know I'm being scientific, but I got this off of a law show and from a Psyc book from school, a teach loaned to me). When that child is born, it brings her back to that area of pain she felt at that moment (of the rape) and every negitave emotion she felt afterwards, even through that point. Before she had nothing to vent on, it was bottled up, but now she has something to take that pain out of, and she sees the child as the cause itself. Now this was my anaylis of the situation that I've seen before and have created here. It's not the same for every woman, I'm not even sure if I hit the nail on the head or was even close lol, but that's what I see...However that love you said you mentioned, just take into affect the name Kiyoshi (pure) and that Kasumi unconsciously gave it to him, so yes there is love for him in her, but she doesn't know it, and if you don't know of something, 9.9 times out of 10 you can't project it. What I did, with the whole naming of Kiyoshi, unconsciously was that .1 time where one could, but I made it so she didn't even know she did.

    It isn't his fault, and what you're going to see is just going to make you think that I'm an ass for doing this to him. naruto kyuubi and I have worked on this, but he lets me do the whole emotion behind the characters, while he handles a lot of the other stuff as well.

    Thank you for reading, and for liking it :D
     
         

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    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    I've chopped down your wall...

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    you can be welcomed by death gently, or gracefully. In this case, the Shinigami was the pushing force that forced her death, because he felt bad for her pain.
    Also with death, he takes you from the plan of the living and guids you to the afterlife...he dosn't decide where you will go into that afterlife, meaning he doesn't decide whether you shall end in a Heaven or Hell, but as he can see the pain of people (as I demonstrated) He can see the nature of people, and predict how they turn out, meaning he may know how they will end up, once he does take them, and an afterlife in the Heavens is a stronger blessing then the physical life you have on earth (if you can see where I'm going with this)
    Interesting.
    I can sort of comprehend or imagine what you mean when you say "you can be welcomed by death gracefully", and "an afterlife in the Heavens is a stronger blessing then the physical life you have on earth"
    Death is viewed and comprehended in probably countless ways. [Partly why it can be sort of fun to write about - fun as in, getting creative with words and simmering emotion (@ least, I see it as a fun challenge 0.o, I'm weird.)] The comprehension stemming from either opinion/imagination/religious beliefs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    I've seen in some psycology passages, as to why this happens. It's not really hard for them to understand but, when a woman is raped, it brings them to a shameful level. They feel ashamed of themselves for the situation that happened, and they feel all sorts of negitave emotions (hate, fear, anger, confusion, etc..) and it leads to depression.
    I understand this part; I can imagine a woman feeling both disgusted and ashamed for what occurred. And anger that it would happen/happened. It's just, extending that to the child is another thing; Mothers are very...nurturing/caring/forgiving/loving[I can't find the word I'm looking for].
    But, as you've said; you indicated this when she named her child. When I had read that, I was sort of glad you did. >.>'
    I imagined she would've had mixed feelings [during pregnancy]; both hate/love/, confusion/frustration. Anyway, I'm satisfied enough with 'Kiyoshi'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    When that child is born, it brings her back to that area of pain she felt at that moment (of the rape) and every negitave emotion she felt afterwards, even through that point.
    That's horrible.

    Y'know, you cover some [hardcore] emotional situations in your writing; its fun to read and think on them - their portrayal, reactions, etc.
    Whew, it took me forever to formulate this reply.
     
         

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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Quote Originally Posted by Train View Post
    I've chopped down your wall...


    Interesting.
    I can sort of comprehend or imagine what you mean when you say "you can be welcomed by death gracefully", and "an afterlife in the Heavens is a stronger blessing then the physical life you have on earth"
    Death is viewed and comprehended in probably countless ways. [Partly why it can be sort of fun to write about - fun as in, getting creative with words and simmering emotion (@ least, I see it as a fun challenge 0.o, I'm weird.)] The comprehension stemming from either opinion/imagination/religious beliefs.



    I understand this part; I can imagine a woman feeling both disgusted and ashamed for what occurred. And anger that it would happen/happened. It's just, extending that to the child is another thing; Mothers are very...nurturing/caring/forgiving/loving[I can't find the word I'm looking for].
    But, as you've said; you indicated this when she named her child. When I had read that, I was sort of glad you did. >.>'
    I imagined she would've had mixed feelings [during pregnancy]; both hate/love/, confusion/frustration. Anyway, I'm satisfied enough with 'Kiyoshi'.


    That's horrible.

    Y'know, you cover some [hardcore] emotional situations in your writing; its fun to read and think on them - their portrayal, reactions, etc.
    Whew, it took me forever to formulate this reply.
    There are countless beliefs as to how death is portrayed. I take a look at every aspect, even if I don't believe in it. The fact is, I don't know how I, myself, actually feel on death. I don't know if I fear death, or if I will accept it, it all depends. I don't have my own views on death at this point in time, but I notice how some people do precieve it, and how it is in different peices of literature. Also, if "Death" was as compasionate as I said, do you think he'd allow certian people to live a life of pain, you see he took Kasumi into his embrace because she was in pain.

    Spoiler:
    Think about this question throughout this series. Based on the compasion, I portray the Shinigami to have, would he allow children to live in pain...unless there was a reason? Keep that and also the what I explained in terms of the "Afterlife". Keep that question and those terms in mind throughout the series.


    There is steriotypes within everything...Usually when you see comercials concerning children, it's always because of "Mom" you don't see much "dad" For example: in food comercials that are for kids. The foods they explain are healthy, full of vitamins, protiens, or whatever. At the end you here doctors recommended and moms love. There is the bond that mothers have, that can be said to be "stronger" with their children because of the actual toil of pregnacy, the child is inside them...however there is always exceptions to everything, which is why steriotypes pertain to, what is generally noticed, but not always the case. It is not fact like: All black people are fast, like fried chicken, and are afraid of the poliece (I am in fact black...run track, love fried chicken and do have a slight fear of the poliece but nevermind that lol) but that's not the case with all people, which can be said for women who go through such pain. I said that there was the love in there but it was unconscious love and even in the afterlife she doesn't know she has it...Much less I never said the love was for Kiyoshi...but could it be that it was from him, which is why she felt the way she did, warm, but she didn't actually love him but how he made her feel. He loved her, but she didn't love him, she accepted his love but didn't return it (I felt I may have had to explain that, there are a lot of difficulties and hidden things within such scenes...sorry if I ruined it for you)

    Hardcore emotion makes for good confilct, internally. In every peice of story like liteatures (fiction if you will) there is always a conflict, not just for protagonists, but secondary characters and antagonists. I believe there should always be internal and external strife. You're introduced to the stronger of the two (IMO) which is the internal, because no matter what, it is harder to fight yourself then anybody else. If you fight against your own existance it creates such a powerful stress on the mind and sometimes body. If you've ever questioned your own beliefes at one point in time, you'll understand what I mean, it's the same (more or less) if you're in conflict with your emotions. External confilct (conflict with the world, other characters, etc) would be easier to deal with (theoretically) because you're not as careful with others as you are with yourself and therefore there is less hesitation to be abrupt.

    Thank you for liking to read, and for responding the way you do. When I respond to every one of your posts, it makes me reflect back on how I formulated the emotion for these characters, and that helps me as a writter, to learn from my experiences, and edit myself, and also as a reader, so that when I read I can look deeper into the meanings of the literature written by others.
     
         

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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Ok I won't sugar coat anything about what my thoughts were about this story. I personally have ADD I swear, the begining portion was making me want to skim. (though I didn't) It wasn't the detail, because it was well written. However imo less detail should have been put into the war. Going from the prologue to the mother being rapped and then actually showing what was happening with the war, kind of seemed boring to me. I'm not a big war person.

    However once the mother and the children came back into the picture, it was great! Sometimes a good writer must look back and compare their works. See a conection and go with it while not adding more detail than neccesary about a topic that speaks for itself. I'm just pickey lol it's actually rather hard for me to be pleased with any works, even my own >.> I did enjoy it but idk I just felt like something was missing. I'm not sure what *thinking facial mode*
     
         

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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    Ok I won't sugar coat anything about what my thoughts were about this story. I personally have ADD I swear, the begining portion was making me want to skim. (though I didn't) It wasn't the detail, because it was well written. However imo less detail should have been put into the war. Going from the prologue to the mother being rapped and then actually showing what was happening with the war, kind of seemed boring to me. I'm not a big war person.

    However once the mother and the children came back into the picture, it was great! Sometimes a good writer must look back and compare their works. See a conection and go with it while not adding more detail than neccesary about a topic that speaks for itself. I'm just pickey lol it's actually rather hard for me to be pleased with any works, even my own >.> I did enjoy it but idk I just felt like something was missing. I'm not sure what *thinking facial mode*
    Well the war aspect plays a bigger role (as you will see. Not so much in this one, but in the next few chapters)

    You've read my prologue so you have the basic general gist of the plot line correct? However, instead of focusing on one primary character (the newborn and for a short time the children, which play a role in his development) I've made it a two way focus, which wasn't demonstrated so much in this one (I know, I've talked about it with my co-writter and we've found a way that we think works, which is demonstrated in chp 2-3).

    However, since this is maintaining to the cannon, of the series in the events before and during the creation of the Great Nations, war is a very powerful aspect in the series, and will remain to be. However, the way it will be balenced with the rest of the aspects of the series will compliment it so even if certien people (i.e yourself and maybe a few others) don't like wars and fights, it will still have sort of an appeal if you will.

    I understand with this chapter (I've already realized this myself) and have corrected (attempted by my nature of what I feel should happen) it in my next two chapters which concern fighting. My latest chapter has no fights or wars inside of it, but it is very significant.

    Thanks for the criticism, and I hope I've made myself clear on what I was trying to say :D
     
         

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    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Chapter I

    This is actually sick. i'm happy i went back to the beginning your ff doesn't get the recognition it shud.. great stuff
     
         

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