Results 1 to 20 of 20
  1. #1
    Reborn's Avatar
    Status
    Reborn is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Imagine paradise, now think of the furthest thing from it, and I'm in the place furthest from that.
    Posts
    11,253
    Post Thanks / Like
    Belongs to my Shishou
     



    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    This is an up and coming Fan Fiction called Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi. This is a collaboration work between user, naruto kyuubi and I. This will be following after Bonds of Shinobi, using the same general setting, before and during the creation of the shinobi nations, up until the first Great War. This will start from before the actual creation of the Great Nations, and go into the creation up to the Great War. This will follow the story of Kiyoshi Yuki, his struggles, and achivments. Hope you enjoy the prologue.

    Prologue


    A breeze rolls through the mountainous country of the Land of Lightning. A breeze that brings the scent of blood and death over a land, filled with constant war, and pain. The Land of Lightning, along with the other countries are plagued with an era of war that has been in existence for centuries. This disease known as war brings about the worst ailments of mankind; pain, suffering, hatred, and the most deadly of all...the absences of hope, love, and the understanding of others. It is these ailments that keep this cycle of war going...and it is the war that keeps these cycle of negativity...The only such cure for the disease of war and the plague it brings to the world is the very thing it destroys, love and hope. How love exist in a world that destroys it you ask? It is through the birth of a being that is filled with a strong feeling of love...and through sacrifice. The truth of it is...a being that brings about love to the world is always destined to feel the full brunt of pain. They will carry the heart worlds pain and sacrifice themselves without any help...there is a term that describes this “necessary sacrifices”.

    Kasumi “NO!! Stop!”

    Shin “Shut up or I'll kill those brats of yours”

    A man lay on top of Kasumi pinning her down to the ground holding a kunai to her neck. The two small girls watch helplessly as the man pins their mother down. The expression on their faces are filled with overwhelming fear. As Kasumi panics frantically to get rid of her attacker the man begins to get more irritated.

    Saki “Leave my mommy alone!”

    The small child runs over to the man and bites his arm. He immediately back hands the child and gets off of Kasumi. He takes the knife to her neck.

    Shin “You're going to pay for that you little brat”

    He back hands the child again causing her to cry. She calls for her mother as the man raises his hand again and she closes her eyes and cries even louder and heavier. Shin simply laughs at the little girl mocking her. He picks her up by the collar and puts his knife to her neck.

    Shin “Alright listen up. I'm tired of all this damn screaming and fighting back. If you don't shut your damn mouth I'm going to kill both of them in the most painful way possible. You better not try to resist or say call out for help or I will do it. I'm a man of my word so you can bet on that”

    Kasumi “Please just leave my daughters alone...you can do whatever you want”

    Shin “That's what I wanted to hear”

    He drops the girl and heads over to Kasumi. He smacks her, knocking her onto the ground and he gets on top of her. He rips off her cloths and tears begin to roll down her eyes.

    Warning: content here is Rape!

    The man enters her roughly and she lets out a yell of pain. He thrusts into her reppidiently and the pain she feels is unbearable. Her face is fills with massive tears as she yells out painfully and the expression on her face shows the pain she's in. Saki and Rei can do nothing but sit and watch their mother be violated by the man. They're too young to understand what is happening, but they can feel the pain that their mother is in. Rei turns her head into the chest of her sister and cries while Saki watches with anger and sadness on her face, as she cries along with her mother and little sister. They hear their mother's cries for several minutes until she can no longer bare it. After several minutes she stops yelling and crying and as the man gets even rougher with her. He places her in so many demeaning positions and thrusts in and out of her horribly. Her face simply acts unexpressed and without emotion. The despair and depression in her eyes hurts Saki even more as she sees something inside of her mother die. Nearly an hour passes before the man finishes and releases inside her. He gets up after he's finished and laughs at the woman. He turns and looks at the two children, Rei's head still burred within her sister.


    Shin “I told you I'm a man of my word, I'm not going hurt you. It's been a while since I've had some this war is crazy. What am I doing I'm talking to a couple of babies. You don't know what I'm talking about right? (laughs) well see you folks later”

    The man disappears in a cloud of smoke and the two girls run to their mother. Kasumi gets up and puts a cloths back on and the two girls cry and hug their mother. She pulls them away and gets on her knees and looks them in the eye. She closes her eyes and smiles at the two of them

    Kasumi “My girls please don't cry. Everything is alright now. The man is gone and he's not going to hurt any of us anymore okay”

    Kasumi wipes the tears from the faces of her two daughter's faces and looks at them with a reassuring smile. Rei hugs her mother and buries her face in her chest and Kasumi looks down and smiles at her youngest. Saki looks at her mother and despite the warmth she feels from her mother's smile she looks into her eyes and see's the stifled tears and the agony she still feels. Saki looks at her mother, worried and decides to hug her as well. Kasumi takes both of her daughters back into their house and lays them down to bed. She looks at her daughters and smiles at them. Suddenly a Kasumi feels a pulsing sensation and she looks down, holding her stomach. She shakes the ominous feeling out of her head and she sits next to her daughters, stroking their heads as they sleep...inside of Kasumi lay another beating heart, the heart of something bred by hate but filled with a powerful heart. Ironically what has been created by hate, is the manifestation of a powerful love.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    This is the collaboration of naruto kyuubi and I (for those of you who thank this post and rep me please do the same for him). This chapter was explaining the background behind the protagonist's conception, and later, will explain the feelings that are projected onto him by his family. Kasumi, the mother of Saki, Rei, and unborn Kiyoshi, was raped by nearby shinobi who was on his way back from the battle scene. Kasumi resisted but when the unfamilure man threatened her daughters she had no choice to comply. After everything was done for him, he left the scene to go back to his army's stronghold. Unknown to him, and Kasumi at the time, he impregnated and that unborn child now, would be born Kiyoshi.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Following
    ~Part 1: Birth of a Generation~
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi II
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi III
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi IV
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi V
    Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi VI
     
         
    Last edited by Reborn; 11-09-2011 at 02:14 AM.

  2. #2
    Member naruto kyuubi's Avatar
    Status
    naruto kyuubi is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    in hell
    Posts
    868
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Good work mate lets see how others respond
     
         

  3. #3
    Reborn's Avatar
    Status
    Reborn is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Imagine paradise, now think of the furthest thing from it, and I'm in the place furthest from that.
    Posts
    11,253
    Post Thanks / Like
    Belongs to my Shishou
     



    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Hope we get some feed back soon...
     
         

  4. #4
    Member naruto kyuubi's Avatar
    Status
    naruto kyuubi is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    in hell
    Posts
    868
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Yeah let's hope so
     
         

  5. #5
    Member Cooldragon's Avatar
    Status
    Cooldragon is offline
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Somewhere in the universe. Look.
    Posts
    278
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    It's good, but...
     
         

  6. #6
    So um how u do ? Zawar's Avatar
    Status
    Zawar is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Somwhere >.>
    Posts
    30,383
    Post Thanks / Like
    NOoooooo!!!!!! T_T
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    yeah
    the man fu*ked and disappeared :rofl:
    small and great chapter
    but its more funny then being serious
     
         

  7. #7
    Reborn's Avatar
    Status
    Reborn is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Imagine paradise, now think of the furthest thing from it, and I'm in the place furthest from that.
    Posts
    11,253
    Post Thanks / Like
    Belongs to my Shishou
     



    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Zawar View Post
    yeah
    the man fu*ked and disappeared :rofl:
    small and great chapter
    but its more funny then being serious
    Not the intention of being funny, I mean that's what most guys do really, but alright , thanks for the feedback at least.
     
         

  8. #8
    Member naruto kyuubi's Avatar
    Status
    naruto kyuubi is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    in hell
    Posts
    868
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Cooldragon View Post
    It's good, but...
    but what?
     
         

  9. #9
    So um how u do ? Zawar's Avatar
    Status
    Zawar is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Somwhere >.>
    Posts
    30,383
    Post Thanks / Like
    NOoooooo!!!!!! T_T
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    most man don't
     
         

  10. #10
    Banned
    Status
    love hater is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    i can smash ur face from here
    Posts
    490
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Zawar View Post
    yeah
    the man fu*ked and disappeared :rofl:
    small and great chapter
    but its more funny then being serious
    couldn't agree more:D
     
         

  11. #11
    Member naruto kyuubi's Avatar
    Status
    naruto kyuubi is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    in hell
    Posts
    868
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Zawar View Post
    most man don't
    yeah they dont but have u ever heard of what happened in afganisthan or iraq during the wars how many were molested or have u forgotten the history of our freedom fight against british
     
         

  12. #12
    Banned
    Status
    love hater is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    i can smash ur face from here
    Posts
    490
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by naruto kyuubi View Post
    yeah they dont but have u ever heard of what happened in afganisthan or iraq during the wars how many were molested or have u forgotten the history of our freedom fight against british
    yeah right
    but i hate such people
    it just makes me feel sick
    thats it:flaw:
     
         

  13. #13
    So um how u do ? Zawar's Avatar
    Status
    Zawar is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Somwhere >.>
    Posts
    30,383
    Post Thanks / Like
    NOoooooo!!!!!! T_T
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by naruto kyuubi View Post
    yeah they dont but have u ever heard of what happened in afganisthan or iraq during the wars how many were molested or have u forgotten the history of our freedom fight against british
    yeah i know what happened
    but God ain't forgiving them
     
         

  14. #14
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
    Status
    Train is offline
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    834
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post

    Prologue


    A breeze rolls through the mountainous country of the Land of Lightning. A breeze that brings the scent of blood and death over a land, filled with constant war, and pain. The Land of Lightning, along with the other countries are plagued with an era of war that has been in existence for centuries. This disease known as war brings about the worst ailments of mankind; pain, suffering, hatred, and the most deadly of all...the absences of hope, love, and the understanding of others. It is these ailments that keep this cycle of war going...and it is the war that keeps these cycle of negativity...The only such cure for the disease of war and the plague it brings to the world is the very thing it destroys, love and hope.
    I felt this part was well written, it was a good intro. Especially the last sentence.


    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    ...inside of Kasumi lay another beating heart, the heart of something bred by hate but filled with a powerful heart. Ironically what has been created by hate, is the manifestation of a powerful love.
    Oooh. And a great, interesting ending.
    Overall it was miserable because of what was happening. ;__;
    But I think this is a great prologue, and it promises an interesting read.
    ^^

    Both of you, nice job so far.
     
         
    Last edited by Train; 08-22-2011 at 03:09 PM.

  15. #15
    Member naruto kyuubi's Avatar
    Status
    naruto kyuubi is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    in hell
    Posts
    868
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Zawar View Post
    yeah i know what happened
    but God ain't forgiving them
    yeah true
     
         

  16. #16
    Reborn's Avatar
    Status
    Reborn is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Imagine paradise, now think of the furthest thing from it, and I'm in the place furthest from that.
    Posts
    11,253
    Post Thanks / Like
    Belongs to my Shishou
     



    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by Train View Post
    I felt this part was well written, it was a good intro. Especially the last sentence.



    Oooh. And a great, interesting ending.
    Overall it was miserable because of what was happening. ;__;
    But I think this is a great prologue, and it promises an interesting read.
    ^^

    Both of you, nice job so far.
    1) Thanks

    2) That was the point, to be miserable thank you for seeing it. The last couple of commentors thought it was funny so that kind of threw me off a little in how I wrote things but thank you.

    3) naruto kyuubi and I plan to release the actual chapters after my series is finished since we both decided to fit it in the same general time and setting as my previous one. We both appriciate the helpful feed back
     
         

  17. #17
    Rokudo Mukuro wonderwho's Avatar
    Status
    wonderwho is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,082
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    As i promised... i will be reading your fic... liked the intro. compared to me you are better than dan brown
     
         

  18. #18
    Reborn's Avatar
    Status
    Reborn is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Imagine paradise, now think of the furthest thing from it, and I'm in the place furthest from that.
    Posts
    11,253
    Post Thanks / Like
    Belongs to my Shishou
     



    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by wonderwho View Post
    As i promised... i will be reading your fic... liked the intro. compared to me you are better than dan brown
    Thank you :D
     
         

  19. #19
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
    Status
    ThatOneChick is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Reborn
    Posts
    9,070
    Post Thanks / Like
    SENZU BEAN
     



    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    I finally got around to reading it and it wasn't at all what I expected. Which is a good thing. I don't usually read fanfiction based on the world of Naruto, but so far I like (I do read my friends ) It is well writen and you two both did a wonderful job. way better than mine lol.

    Also I would like to point out that there was nothing funny about this chapter. I've seen people saying it was more funny then serious, but since when was someone being raped in front of their kids funny? -.- I'm a mom so I would be devestated if something like that happened in front of my child.

    Good work guys, keep it up!
     
         

  20. #20
    Reborn's Avatar
    Status
    Reborn is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Imagine paradise, now think of the furthest thing from it, and I'm in the place furthest from that.
    Posts
    11,253
    Post Thanks / Like
    Belongs to my Shishou
     



    Re: Blood: Gift of Kiyoshi Promotion Prologue

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    I finally got around to reading it and it wasn't at all what I expected. Which is a good thing. I don't usually read fanfiction based on the world of Naruto, but so far I like (I do read my friends ) It is well writen and you two both did a wonderful job. way better than mine lol.

    Also I would like to point out that there was nothing funny about this chapter. I've seen people saying it was more funny then serious, but since when was someone being raped in front of their kids funny? -.- I'm a mom so I would be devestated if something like that happened in front of my child.

    Good work guys, keep it up!
    I hope I'm not overstepping my bounderies but, how old are you. Whenever I see accounts on NB (aside from mods and admis) I picture people between the ages of 8 and 18...give or take a 1 or 2 years (usually give). Thank you, I wanted to make this as horrible as possible (not in that way just to show the emphisis)

    Also, this does relate to the world of Naruto...sort of. There are shinobi and the general theme, but it differs as I show the world before and during the founding of the villages (my first series is related to this. This is a spin off series of my first series, focusing around two crucial characters, one of whom was mentioned in my first series)

    Thanks for the review :D:D you have a lot more followers then either I or naruto kyuubi, you're work is very good, just look at the number of people who thank your posts regurally.
     
         

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •