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  1. #1
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Towards Finality Ch.5

    Yo.
    Here's the 5th chapter.
    Here are the previous four:

    Chapter 1
    Chapter 2
    Chapter 3
    Chapter 4

    Notes before reading: Team 7 can't have all the attention . This chapter takes the focus to Kabuto's perspective. For the second part, I don't feel like I did the description of the setting any justice. Basically, there's a forest that ends/opens, and near its opening/clearing, is a cliff. If you kept your back to the forest, and stood on the cliff, you'd see a camp of the Allied Shinobi Forces. Hopefully, that makes sense.

    This chapter may disappoint, it's role is to push the plot forward. I know it's short, it may seem kind of...useless >___> ", but this saves me some trouble in future chapters.

    I usually wouldn't update so early, I'd wait a week, but there may be a time in the very near future when I may not be able to update for a long while again...I'll bring the 6th Ch. soon.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Chapter 5: Confrontation


    “Hmm? He’s not there? Pity.”

    The day was slowly darkening, and another night of the Fourth Shinobi War was stealthily approaching. Yet, despite the earth-shaking war that thundered noisily in the lands beyond, a cloaked man sat quietly cross legged on the ground, unaffected, in a rocky plain. The body of an unconscious woman lay on the ground behind him, along with a large thick snake that stood upright, as though on watch.
    But he seemed to be concentrating on something else. A thin rugged mat with faded squares was settled in front of him, with countless tiny rocks set atop it, like game pieces. The man’s face was pale, and slightly scaled like a snake’s skin. His hands were clasped together, symbolizing a special ninjutsu technique. With his yellow eyes he stared intently at the mat, pushing his thick, round glasses further up his nose. He seemed to be mumbling (slyly) to himself.
    “…I thought he’d be there, after destroying all the zetsus. I had even set this trap for him.”
    He sighed.
    “Well, what to expect. No one can restrain that junchuuriki. The Allied Forces can’t even keep a leash on both their bijuu.”
    Suddenly, Kabuto Yakushi's eyes gleamed with frightening pleasure, and his mouth cracked into a wide grin.
    “Hmmm? Speak of the devil…”

    *

    “Where do you think he’s taking us? Do you see anyone?” A quiet voice.
    “Not yet. I thought he was going to make us attack the guarded tents over there, below the cliff. At least, we were walking towards them, minutes ago.” A second voice, much less quiet than the last, and seemed to come from a man who was weakened.
    Two cloaked figures walked slowly around the opening of a forest, near the edge of a rocky cliff. One was supporting the other, yet they both still looked very intimidating.
    The one being supported had thin, pure white hair that flowed from his head and fluttered with the breeze. His skin was horribly thin, his cheeks were hollow, and his lips were cracked. But his eyes were wide and piercing, mostly because his eyeballs were patterned with circling lines and lacked a visible pupil.
    The other sported hair long hair that was dark as night, tied back behind his head. His pale face was smooth save for the long characteristic lines of tear troughs under his eyes. The whites of his eyes were eerily black, surrounding his red irises that contained three tomoe.
    “But, we seem to moving as though we actually have a destination, unlike before.” Itachi Uchiha remarked. “He’s found something, watch out.”
    “Right,” Nagato Uzumaki replied back.
    Suddenly, there was a rustle of leaves, and a figure appeared to be running at them. He was tall, black, and muscular. Multiple swords were stashed behind his back, but he seemed to be carrying a thick, scaly blue sword instead.
    The two split apart and went into a battle stance. Upon noticing this, the man called out to them.
    “Yo – “
    “Be careful, we’re going to attack!” Nagato interrupted.
    A giant ball of flames suddenly appeared, heading straight for the man. He swung his blue sword vertically down, cutting the fiery sphere in half to dodge the flames.
    “Samehada…?” Itachi wondered. Then Kisame has been killed too.
    The man holding the sword samehada had a slightly annoyed expression etched on his face.
    “I’m the only one who gets to interrupt me, Fool!”

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Chapter 6: http://www.narutobase.net/forums/showthread.php?t=93069
    And? I know it's short, but I had to set the background/atmosphere for this fight. I know there's not much to say/review for this chapter...
    If I had added the entire fight, the chapter would've been too long. And since this'll be my first actual fight-scene, I need room to experiment. But then, the fight shouldn't be too long, since Naruto's not there, Bee doesn't seem to stand too much of chance (to last long...)
    The last moment, where Bee had cut the flames, and Itachi noticed Samehada and thought about Kisame, was actually in the manga a few chapters ago. I was directly quoting Itachi.
    I had taken Bee's line from Narutopedia, and added 'fool'...I don't actually remember when he said that though.
    I think in this chapter, I was just having too much fun in attempting to describe Kabuto's/Nagato's/Itachi's appearances.
     
         
    Last edited by Train; 08-18-2011 at 08:13 PM.

  2. #2
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.5

    Quote Originally Posted by siro002 View Post
    thats gonna take toooooooooooooooooooooo much of ma time to read..
    Then don't read
    I'm not forcing you.
    This is actually, one of my shortest chapters, funnily enough.
    Anyways, I know it's hard to read something that's long, sorry for the length, to those of you who actually strive to read it.
     
         
    Last edited by Train; 08-18-2011 at 01:27 PM.

  3. #3
    Senior Member WastedMonkey's Avatar
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.5

    nice work
     
         

  4. #4
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.5

    good work it had me wondering who the two men were until the first description
     
         

  5. #5
    Reborn's Avatar
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.5

    Quote Originally Posted by siro002 View Post
    thats gonna take toooooooooooooooooooooo much of ma time to read..
    Come on man this isn't even a five minute read. If I can read this in like three minutes the average person should be able to read this even faster. If you want long go to my chapters, this isn't really long at all. If you're not going to actually read the post, don't comment on it, it seems like then you're just trying to increase your post count. Be respectful and at least read it, and if you don't, there's no need for you to comment saying you're not going to read it because it's too long. It's not going to make no nevermind.

    Anyway onto the subject at hand. This is supurbly different from your previous chapters. You added the war notion in there when, before you were focusing more on the aspect of Team 7's inner works, their emotions. Even though there was the battle between Naruto and Sasuke (not really a battle but the end of it basically) you were focusing on, first Sakura's feelings of failure, her death, and how both Naruto and Sasuke felt afterwards about that. That short strand of time you managed to do all of that and now you're moving on to the aspects of war. I'm not saying it's bad, it's actually good. In a war there are powerful emotions and in war (fictional and in reality) there are those emotions flying, which is why soldiers are taught to look at the people their fighting as less then humans (at least in earlier wars) and kill them without mercy and regret, to get rid of those doubtful feelings. In the first World Wars there was so much discrimination between enemy nationalities and nations, that till this day, those who actually remain as veterens still hold those feelings today.

    This is besides the point but anyways, you're trying to get everybody to remember that this is still war, there has to be battles, and strategy and I'm sure that you're going to show how others (like Shikamaru, Choji, and the other characters) handle with the stress and either, grow, or break down from the preassure (although it has already been done in the manga this is your own series). I especially like how you split up Naruto and Bee. I'm visioning that this is the part where you're going to have Bee get captured and you'll have something planned later on for Naruto to defeat Madara and kabuto, or the other way around or whatever. So far I only have that you're going to take out Bee (if I'm correct) and from then on idk what you're planning to do, and with that I say I am anticipating your next chapter and I can't wait nice job here.
     
         

  6. #6
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.5

    Quote Originally Posted by wastedmonkey View Post
    nice work
    Thanks
    Quote Originally Posted by supermaine View Post
    good work it had me wondering who the two men were until the first description
    Thanks, and welcome to the Base! >___<
    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    If you're not going to actually read the post, don't comment on it, it seems like then you're just trying to increase your post count. Be respectful
    Thanks ...I hope you don't mind, but I've butchered the rest of your post while responding :

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    This is besides the point but anyways, you're trying to get everybody to remember that this is still war, there has to be battles, and strategy and I'm sure that you're going to show how others (like Shikamaru, Choji, and the other characters) handle with the stress and either, grow, or break down from the preassure (although it has already been done in the manga this is your own series).
    Yup, my point was to make the readers aware of the war that's going on. You know, I was unsure how or when to show the rest of the war, but you just gave me a brilliant idea of how I may approach it. However, this idea probably won't appear too soon, I'll let you know when I've done it (If I can pull it off).
    It won't happen next chapter.
    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    I'm visioning that this is the part where you're going to have Bee get captured
    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    So far I only have that you're going to take out Bee (if I'm correct)
    Yup...I'm planning to take Bee out. I'm still deciding whether or not to actually kill him. (Well, I most likely will, but still not certain.) I haven't yet constructed the battle though, that won't be in the next chapter either. Still editing next-chapter, I won't release till maybe a few hours later...
    Thanks for your feedback !!!
     
         

  7. #7
    Reborn's Avatar
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.5

    Quote Originally Posted by Train View Post
    Thanks

    Thanks, and welcome to the Base! >___<

    Thanks ...I hope you don't mind, but I've butchered the rest of your post while responding :



    Yup, my point was to make the readers aware of the war that's going on. You know, I was unsure how or when to show the rest of the war, but you just gave me a brilliant idea of how I may approach it. However, this idea probably won't appear too soon, I'll let you know when I've done it (If I can pull it off).
    It won't happen next chapter.


    Yup...I'm planning to take Bee out. I'm still deciding whether or not to actually kill him. (Well, I most likely will, but still not certain.) I haven't yet constructed the battle though, that won't be in the next chapter either. Still editing next-chapter, I won't release till maybe a few hours later...
    Thanks for your feedback !!!
    No problem, I realize I've always written long responses on your posts, so butchering them isn't a problem. Anyway I'll keep this one brief, I don't know how I would go about the battle scene with Bee but I would say to make it, at least somewhat difficult for Itachi and Nagato to capture him. I'm not saying like hella hard but give them a little challenge. KB has v2, Hachibi Transformation, TBB, Lightning, and kenjutsu, he also has Samehada. If I were you I'd look back on the last few chapters and look at how Naruto and Bee fought against Nagato and Itachi before Itachi broke free for your battle.

    Also I know that you can pull off whatever you're trying to do, if it come into terms of battle anxiety and stress. That all goes along with the emotion factor, which you write masterfully with so I have faith. Anyway can't wait for your next chapter...

    lol I said I'd be brief this is still kind of long
     
         

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