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  1. #1
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Towards Finality Ch.4

    Konnichi wa!
    I apoligize for the late update. [But really, how many people are reading this anyway?]
    4th Chapter is done.

    Here are the preveious three chapters:

    Chapter 1
    Chapter 2
    Chapter 3

    I've finally made a title, yet it's not really to my taste. But I had been looking for so long through online dictionaries and thesaruses, so I gave up and left it to this one.
    Notes before reading: This chapter will just show the moments right after Sasuke and Naruto hit Sakura. So, it's going to be a bit slow, but I had to take time and show both Sasuke and Naruto's reactions, because I thought they were crucial. It's written with both thier perspectives, more Sasuke's than Naruto's.
    This chapter was hard, beacuse there are millions of ways one can write this moment...I'm not sure if I chose the right 'path'. You'll see.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Chapter 4: Aftermath

    There were three moments woven intricately within Sasuke Uchiha’s life that had paralysed his body with cold, unspeakable shock; No, that had caused his very soul to shake.
    The first moment was when he had walked into the room of his own home, only to find his parents lie dead at the very feet of his loving, caring older brother.
    The second moment was when that same older brother lay cold and dead at Sasuke's own feet, after a terrible battle that had blackened the day.
    The third was this very moment of his life, this striking scene that currently displayed itself before his eyes, inches from where he stood.
    It was a miserable scene.
    There, cradled within the arms of Naruto Uzumaki, was the mangled, dead body of his ex-teammate, Sakura Haruno. Her eyes were closed, her face and hands were palest white. Blood had poured her mouth and had colored the bottom of her face. Blood was still pouring, from a piercing wound, a hole, right on her chest, where her heart should be.
    Dead, at Sasuke's own hands.
    "No…No!! Sakura-chan, Sakura-"
    Sasuke looked away from the body to see Naruto's face wet with streaming tears. A pool of blood was beginning to form beneath him and Sakura.
    Naruto was saying something. But Sasuke couldn't hear properly. He was in shock.
    No, rather, his mind was working too furiously.
    Sakura...what the f"ck? He thought. He had seen her coming, and saw her trying to protect Naruto. He could've stopped, but Sasuke hadn't bothered. Konoha was his enemy after all.
    What puzzled him, then, was that she knew. She knew and had accepted that Sasuke would kill her.
    And she had a choice to move away.
    But she chose death, He concluded, surprised. Why?
    The past few moments began to flicker through his mind's eye. Before he killed her, he had seen her face relax. She had smiled. Actually smiled. Then her lips formed the words "Sasuke-Kun." Although he cringed at the thought, he was definitely sure her last words were "Sasuke-kun".
    Did she die for me then? Was she trying to protect me?
    A terrible feeling welled up in him. Was it guilt?
    No. Konoha was supposed to come after Naruto. That's why I feel this way. I got it wrong. I shouldn’t have killed her yet. Not until after Naruto. He forcefully set aside this new feeling.
    "Sasuke, I think she was trying to save us. She was trying to teach us something. We were wrong, and we've got to stop fighting. We need to find the real enemy, before another person's blood is on our hands."
    Naruto was looking at him earnestly. His voice was weak and his face was red, laden with sadness.
    Sasuke studied Sakura's body again. There was a deep gash on the back of her upper-left leg. It caused the entire limb to twist slightly.
    So he tried to stop, and couldn't, Sasuke thought. Instead, he aimed for a safer area, to miss her vital organs. I could have stopped. Perhaps if I did, she would have lived, but with permanent injury.
    His black eyes flickered back to Naruto’s blue ones.
    “Last time I checked, Naruto, Sakura’s blood is in my hands. Your attack would have only injured her.”
    A brief silence formed a gap between them, and they stared at each other. Naruto was the first to break it, only after laying Sakura down and standing up.
    “No, Sasuke, this was Sakura-chan’s choice, she was trying to – “
    “Do you hate me, Naruto?”
    “No, Sasuke, listen –“
    “Now do you know how it feels?” Sasuke’s voice was growing louder. “To want to swiftly bring revenge upon a person you once cared for? Now do you know-“
    “Your wrong, Sasuke, I –“ Naruto clenched his fists.
    “I killed her Naruto!! Didn’t you see how her body shook at the impact of my chido-“
    Naruto lunged towards Sasuke, his fist ready to punch. Sasuke neither flinched, or bothered to move.
    Maybe I deserve it, He thought fleetingly.
    But Naruto stopped. His fist had stopped a finger’s width away from Sasuke’s nose. It was shaking.
    Sasuke’s face twisted into a grin.
    “Still naïve, Naruto?”
    Naruto eyes were closed. He seemed to be thinking hard.
    “Not naïve,” he finally said. He opened his eyes, and looked straight at Sasuke. “I made a resolve. To protect Konoha. To bring you back. But most of all, to end this cycle of hatred that plagues the shinobi world. I promised myself not to succumb to revenge like you, I can’t afford to lose myself in hate. Because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to cure the shinobi world of its hurt. And pain.”
    Sasuke’s eyes widened. Not take revenge?!
    All of a sudden, there was a flash of white light that surrounded them.
    And the world around Sasuke, including Naruto, began to dissolve…

    *

    Naruto Uzumaki’s eyes were closed. He was paying attention not at the world around him, but momentarily towards the memories that flickered before his mind’s eye. The first memory was of the yondaime, no, his father, talking to him.
    As long as this ninja system exists, Minato stated, the hatred will create another creature like Pein. The Yondaime then placed his hand upon the head of his son. But you will find the answer. I believe in you.
    The memory then dissipated, and a second one appeared.
    A terribly thin man with red hair was saying something. In you, I can see a different future, He said weakly. I… will believe in you…Uzumaki Naruto…
    The memory faded away. I was given a very important task to do, Naruto thought. Nagato…Yondaime. They trust me…and I can’t fail them. I can’t vent this anger, this hate. I can’t afford to give in to it.
    The world around him suddenly came back into focus.
    “Not naïve,” he finally said. He opened his eyes, and looked straight at Sasuke. “I made a resolve. To protect Konoha. To bring you back. But most of all, to end this cycle of hatred that plagues the shinobi world. I promised not to succumb myself to revenge like you, I can’t afford to lose myself in hate. Because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to cure the shinobi world of its hurt. And pain.”
    Naruto saw Sasuke’s eyes widen. But suddenly, there was a white flash that surrounded them, and Naruto felt his vision begin to haze…
    Naruto fainted.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    And? I'm not sure if I've got Sasuke's reactions right. I've made him really cruel and reckless in this chapter.
    Chapter 5: http://www.narutobase.net/forums/showthread.php?t=92952
     
         
    Last edited by Train; 08-18-2011 at 01:58 PM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.4

    m....in a word....Pefect

    You did Sasuke perfectly. You did this entire chapter perfectly.

    I like Sasuke's perspective more then Naruto's because here you showed the connection Sasuke still had with his teammates. He was trying to rationalize why he felt the way he did, even though he could've stopped but didn't. He tried to rationalize it but deep down even he knows that he was not able to sever all his bonds with Konoha. To actually kill one that you cared about doesn't sever the bond, to kill that person and not feel a deep paining sensation of remorse is truely severing those bonds. The secret behind gaining the Mangekyou Sharingan is to feel the pain of loosing the person closest to you. When Madara and Izuna first obtained their MS they weren't severing the bonds with the people they killed, yet they probably felt the same way as Sasuke's feeling now. They feel that tidbit of guilt or confusion as to why they feel the way they do. Although Sasuke already has the MS this explination was just an example and similarity. What you showed was, what was left of Sasuke's humanity and his bonds...

    With Naruto, even though it was short you showed that despite what had happened, that would make him normally go off the deep end, you showed the results of his training, after beating his Dark Side. You made it show that Naruto had truely gotten rid of his hatred and that his training with Bee in taming the Kyuubi was really worth it. I believe when Naruto was training with Bee the actual defeating of his dark side wasn't so much neccissary for him taming the Kyuubi, but Kisi wanted to show Naruto mature and give us forshadowing to how affective his changed heart would be, and what you did here was emphisize just that
     
         

  3. #3
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.4

    Thank you. Seriously.
    My intent with this chapter was to both show Sasuke's feelings (and him in slight denial), and Naruto's matured self. So, I'm really glad you could see that.
    Naruto's part seemed easier, I guess because it's either he gets too much screen time, or his reactions are both easy to read and recreate. The only issue I had with that part was the format, and how to organize the memories.
    Sasuke was by far harder. His personality is so easy to exaggerate if your not careful...He has a really hard shell / exterior, so it's going to be hard to completley change his former ideals (As you see, I'm trying to slowly begin that with this chapter).
    Sasuke's more complex to write...but I guess that's why he's Kishi's favorite character?
    [It's rumored that he is, supposedly.]
     
         

  4. #4
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.4

    Quote Originally Posted by Train View Post
    Thank you. Seriously.
    My intent with this chapter was to both show Sasuke's feelings (and him in slight denial), and Naruto's matured self. So, I'm really glad you could see that.
    Naruto's part seemed easier, I guess because it's either he gets too much screen time, or his reactions are both easy to read and recreate. The only issue I had with that part was the format, and how to organize the memories.
    Sasuke was by far harder. His personality is so easy to exaggerate if your not careful...He has a really hard shell / exterior, so it's going to be hard to completley change his former ideals (As you see, I'm trying to slowly begin that with this chapter).
    Sasuke's more complex to write...but I guess that's why he's Kishi's favorite character?
    [It's rumored that he is, supposedly.]
    The emotion you had in here was what got me. I'm actually jealous a little by it. The way you write is professional (not saying like a professional writter's level but the detail). The way you conveyed your message is extordinary and it surpasses mine. I specialize in writting things like this (meaning the deep emotion and inner workings of one's peronality and their emotion) and there's a uniqueness in this chapter that allowed you to convey how each person was feeling powerfully. You're a more detailed internal heart writter then I am, I'm actually looking at your style to help with mine and naruto kyuubi's collaboration project.

    Anyway I feel that you're a really gifted writter and the way you killed off Sakura has made me see that (not exactly how you did it) as a possibility for happening in the actual series. Sakura dies for both Naruto and Sasuke. She's never done much to help them, she never really could. Sakura has played that rather, hindering character who can't help her teammates so much. She couldn't keep her team together and I see this as potentially the biggest roll she could play in changing how and where she is in the series.
     
         

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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.4

    The way u portrayed the emotions were perfect.
     
         

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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.4

    Quote Originally Posted by naruto kyuubi View Post
    The way u portrayed the emotions were perfect.
    It was right?!

    I mean this was a hella strong chapter, I would even say his best chapter. I feel like I need to step up my game.
     
         

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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.4

    thats right but kev what he did was to use two main protagonists and the third most known face its easier to do that its still a superbly tough job beyond my level
     
         

  8. #8
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.4

    Thanks guys, really...
    I didn't think this chapter would receieve this sort of reception, I had initially thought my last chapter was better, since this one was emotional and would be too 'slow' for the story's pace. I'm glad that's not the case though. ^^
    I'm sorry to say next chapter won't have as much emotion though, I'm pushing the plot forward with that one...almost finished writing it.
    I had thought Sakura's death would've suited the actual Naruto story. [First I had thought it would b/c I'm a Naruhina fan, but then, I noticed the role may actually suit her] So I'm glad I was able to make it seem like a possibility.
    I can't really imagine Kishi killing her though...we'll see anyway. : )
     
         

  9. #9
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    Re: Towards Finality Ch.4

    Quote Originally Posted by Train View Post
    Thanks guys, really...
    I didn't think this chapter would receieve this sort of reception, I had initially thought my last chapter was better, since this one was emotional and would be too 'slow' for the story's pace. I'm glad that's not the case though. ^^
    I'm sorry to say next chapter won't have as much emotion though, I'm pushing the plot forward with that one...almost finished writing it.
    I had thought Sakura's death would've suited the actual Naruto story. [First I had thought it would b/c I'm a Naruhina fan, but then, I noticed the role may actually suit her] So I'm glad I was able to make it seem like a possibility.
    I can't really imagine Kishi killing her though...we'll see anyway. : )
    I personally like all your chapters but I like this one better because of how you captured Sasuke's emotion and showed his bonds he still had with, at least Sakura if not the rest of team Kakashi.

    Despite it being slow in terms of progressing beyond a certain point in time that's alright because you filled in the setting with needed emotion and the intensity and power of it, actually moves the plot forward more then you know.

    The fact that you're a NaruHina makes me like this outcome even more
     
         

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