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  1. #1
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Untitled

    This is Towards Finality, Chapter 1.

    Updates

    Chapter 2 - True Strength
    Chapter 3 - It was Destiny
    Chapter 4 - Aftermath
    Chapter 5 - Confrontation
    Chapter 6 - Retreat from Reality
    Chapter 7 - Fatal Fight

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Yo.
    I'm not sure if I'm ever going to write a fic, or continue this one, because I procrastinate a lot, and ideas don't come to me easily. >__<
    This is just a sample of my writing, to see some response...I hope it's not too small. For me, it's simpler to look at small parts than huge/long paragraphs.
    Setting: Probably chapters ahead in the manga, the war is going on, and Sasu/Naru are about to face-off.
    I'm not a writer...this is an attempt. >__> "
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Chapter 1: A New Resolve

    It seemed as though the great forest had cast a storm to ensnare the silent intruder. The sky was blackening, the clouds were thickening, and not a creature was in sight. Save for the lonely figure, leaping from branch to branch, with urgent speed. The roaring wind brushed against the person, rippling through vivid pink hair, but it did not wipe off the determination that was etched into the young woman’s face.
    Naruto, she thought. I know you told me to stay back, but...
    All of a sudden, a pair of pale green eyes filled with water, and a tear streaked across her cheek. With a heavy thud, and a rustle of leaves, she stopped abruptly on a branch, to wipe her eyes and gain her composure. Her hands were trembling, and her eyes were closed tightly as she was remembering the last moments she shared with her friend.
    It felt like days, instead of mere hours, of when she had last talked to Naruto...

    "S-Sakura-chan?"
    I must have looked extremely shocked, because he looked at me with concern. Well, I had the right to. I had overheard that Naruto had learned to harness the Kyuubi's chakra, but little did I think it would change his physical appearance. His body was surrounded by thick, fiery yellow aura, that seemed to glow with pride, and there were black, faded lines over his form that seemed to accentuate the look.
    I shook my head and smiled.
    "It's nothing Naruto. You look...stronger."
    With that he grinned, making the tent in which we stood a great deal less miserable, even with all the sick and injured shinobi.
    "Na, na, of course I'm strong!" He gave a thumbs up and grinned. "Thanks to my new strength, and Bee's help, we were able to destroy all the ugly Zetsus in the area!"
    With that, he turned to the tall black man beside him (He must be Kumo's Hachibi?) and they smacked their fists together. Slowly, the yellow aura began to dissipate, and Naruto looked like himself again. But he looked unnaturally serious.
    "Listen, Sakura-chan. I'm going to end this war. I'm going to find Madara. I can't," He clenched his fists, "I can't let everyone fight and risk their lives for me."
    I frowned.
    “No!" I protested, "Naruto, We were fighting this war to prevent Madara from capturing you. We can't afford to give him to you. You can't go! I'll-I'll stop you-"
    My fists began to warm as I gathered chakra within them.
    "No," He said softly. "I know I'm the one to stop Madara. And Sakura-chan, you have to stay here and tend to the injured. Please, trust me."
    "No, Naruto, you - "
    "Sakura-san?" A high, timid voice.
    The inhabitants of the tent all stared at the entrance, where the sound had come from. A tiny head was meekly peeping into the tent, covered with long, dark purple hair.
    "Hinata-sama?" I said, surprised.
    Hinata gave a tiny nod, and walked into the tent, stopping infront of me.
    "Sakura-san, I think we should give N-N-Naruto-kun a chance."
    I curled my lip. "And if he blows it? There are no second chances."
    She put my fists into her hands. I stopped gathering chakra.
    "We have to believe in him. I know he can do it." She smiled confidently.
    I looked back at Naruto, who beamed at me. I took in a breath. And made my decision.
    "Naruto, you have to come back."
    He cracked a grin.
    "Don't worry Sakura-chan, that's one promise I can't break!" He turned to Hinata and thanked her, making her face redden.
    "Bee," Naruto stated, "I need to go on, alone now." The man gave a single nod. With that, Naruto took on his bright yellow form, and left the tent. Not too soon, 'Bee' had left as well. Hinata had taken her hands back.
    "Don't worry, Sakura-san." She smiled sweetly, and vanished like the other two.
    I was left alone. With my injured patients. Slowly, I took a kunai from my pocket.
    "Naruto, it's not that I don't believe in you..." I whispered to myself...


    She began to move again, from branch to branch, faster than before. As she leaped, she gazed at the kunai in her hands. She knew that Madara was not the only person Naruto will confront.
    So she had left her duty, her faith, and her injured comrades, in place for her feelings, her doubts, and her friends.
    Last time, I aimed to kill, she thought. This time, I aim to protect.
    I will not go down in history as the kuniochi who let her friends scar each other!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    It was all I could think of so far.
    PS, I'm not a Sakura fan, it's just easy to start with her, since she's always emotional and confused...easy to get into character. (@ least I hope.)
    2nd Chapter: http://www.narutobase.net/forums/showthread.php?t=85096
     
         
    Last edited by Train; 10-01-2011 at 01:07 AM.

  2. #2
    Reborn's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    If this is only a starting idea or a general statment then it's alright. I assume you plan to make the actual chapters longer. I am not a Sakura fan however I'm not a hater I'm like in the middle. I like her conflict though and I like how you use her (or are going to use her). If I may make a suggestion about what else you should put in, you should show the view points of more then just one center character and have different chapters or sections of chapters in the views of other characters to get a feeling of how each is affected by the same enviornment everybody else is. I find those stories to be more interesting and it allows the reader to get a sense of how other characters are fairing not just one in perticular...I like the sound of what you're trying to do though.

    Oh and if that was just one chapter you should make it longer, I mean a lot longer, add dialouge, and more seceens and narrations. What you have right now seems like a good narration for the ending of a chapter.
     
         
    Last edited by Reborn; 07-14-2011 at 01:05 AM.

  3. #3
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    If this is only a starting idea or a general statment then it's alright. I assume you plan to make the actual chapters longer. I am not a Sakura fan however I'm not a hater I'm like in the middle. I like her conflict though and I like how you use her (or are going to use her). If I may make a suggestion about what else you should put in, you should show the view points of more then just one center character and have different chapters or sections of chapters in the views of other characters to get a feeling of how each is affected by the same enviornment everybody else is. I find those stories to be more interesting and it allows the reader to get a sense of how other characters are fairing not just one in perticular...I like the sound of what you're trying to do though.

    Oh and if that was just one chapter you should make it longer, I mean a lot longer, add dialouge, and more seceens and narrations. What you have right now seems like a good narration for the ending of a chapter.
    Thank you, I'm glad to see some feedback over something so little...

    Sigh, I was HOPING to pass it off as a first chapter, because I've seen 100-word/chapter fics before...and wanted to see if it would work in my case...But I understand, it is a bit awkward and a little small.
    I feel like the last two lines (her thoughts) were more like an ending, whereas the parts before seemed like more of a beginning to me...maybe I'll add more text in-between?
    I understand what you mean, I could try to shift between the perspectives of Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura...each chapter could be someone else...though, I'm not sure if I could do that for every chapter...
    but yeah, it wasn't in my intention to stick with her through the whole story, that's torture...
    Thank you! I'm not sure when I'll update/add more, but I'll try ~
     
         
    Last edited by Train; 07-14-2011 at 12:27 PM.

  4. #4
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    I don't like to double post...but, first post is fixed! At least, more is added.
    To anyone who may read:
    - Is everyone in character?
    - How is my writing?
    - Too short/long? Does this make sense?
    I don't know what I'm doing with this story, this is the first time I'm doing a fanfic, so I'm just testing out my writing...
    What's that pocket called, the one where shinobi put thier kunai/shuriken, etc?
    Btw, I didn't bother to give Bee dialogue, I was too scared that I couldn't rhyme like him...
     
         

  5. #5
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    Re: Untitled

    Better, you said this was your first FF right? It's not bad, one more thing I'd say about the layout of the story is to distinquish who's talking. I got confused on the way as to who was talking. But the storyline seems solid, good first chapter.
     
         

  6. #6
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    Thanks for your taking your time to read, I slightly edited it...I know it's probably easier for the reader, but I dislike 'script-style'...
    - If I were to make a second chapter, would I add it in this thread, or make another? -
    I'm not sure I can though, I have no ideas T___T , and this fic feels like its competing with the current manga...
     
         

  7. #7
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    Re: Untitled

    Read some other FF and bounce ideas off of those, just don't steel any. Also if it does compete with the real series just twist is a little.
     
         

  8. #8
    Senior Member Roger23's Avatar
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    Im not a sensei, just a guy
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    Re: Untitled

    i thought it was pretty good.
     
         

  9. #9
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    Read some other FF and bounce ideas off of those, just don't steel any. Also if it does compete with the real series just twist is a little.
    Good advice, I'll see what I can do. I'll especially need to read other fics to see how fight scenes are generally constructed...
    I'm going to take your previous suggestion, and see if I can write the next chap in Naruto's view...

    Quote Originally Posted by Roger23 View Post
    i thought it was pretty good.
    Yosh!! Thank you!!
     
         

  10. #10
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    Re: Untitled

    Quote Originally Posted by Train View Post
    Good advice, I'll see what I can do. I'll especially need to read other fics to see how fight scenes are generally constructed...
    I'm going to take your previous suggestion, and see if I can write the next chap in Naruto's view...



    Yosh!! Thank you!!
    look forward to it.
     
         

  11. #11
    is carbon based. Ira's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    I don't read fan fictions here and just accidently clikked and ended up skimming somewhat.. It appears well written. Keep up the good job.

    NB's format is not very friendly for fiction posting.. If I may suggest..: Can you guys edit and all your chapter to you initial posts? just inform about it in the newer posts.. so that the continuity is maintained at one place... just my opinion..

    I don't know if there is a maximum character limit to a post or something either. It would be a problem in that case. Just a random thought..
     
         

  12. #12
    Foolish Member Train's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    Quote Originally Posted by isthatnecessary View Post
    I don't read fan fictions here and just accidently clikked and ended up skimming somewhat.. It appears well written. Keep up the good job.

    NB's format is not very friendly for fiction posting.. If I may suggest..: Can you guys edit and all your chapter to you initial posts? just inform about it in the newer posts.. so that the continuity is maintained at one place... just my opinion..

    I don't know if there is a maximum character limit to a post or something either. It would be a problem in that case. Just a random thought..
    Hmmm, Your suggestion makes sense...because then the fic can be all together...
    But then the post/thread would be so large and annoying to sift thru...and I think there's a time limit for editing your initial post.
     
         

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