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  1. #1
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    "How far away are they?" asked the blonde ninja dressed in normal Konoha attire standing next to the Huyga scouting with his Byakugan.

    "About 800 metres behind us....and they're gaining on us." replied the Hyuga with fear present in his voice.

    "Hyuga Hideki, he is among them, isn't he?" the blond ninja asked again.

    "Yes, Minato. A, the Fourth Raikage along with 5 other ninja are headed our way." The Hyuga replied.

    Minato turned to his other comrades. "I'll be the decoy that allows you guys to escape. Increase your pace and get as far away as possible."

    "Minato," started one of them, a female with very long red hair, "are you trying to get yourself killed?! You'll be outnumbered!"

    "You worry too much Kushina. I'll be fine." he responded with a comforting smile. "Now go!" said Minato as he turned backwards, charging alone towards the incoming enemies.

    "He's right Kushina," starts Hideki, "he'll be fine. Its Minato after all."

    "Ok, let's go." says Kushina to the other Konoha ninja.

    Elsewhere, in the same forest, the enemy Kumo ninja press forward, led by a large black skinned man with white hair. Upon seeing someone ahead, he signals with his hand and all his followers stop.

    "You're looking angry as ever, A." Minato teasingly said as he began throwing a flurry of kunai around the battlefield and watched the black skinned man suddenly become coated in lightning. "I see B isn't here with you. By the way, congratulations on being promoted to Raikage. My condolences about your father's-"

    A cuts Minato off, moving with incredible speed at the blonde, his fist is already in front of Minato's face much to Minato's shock. The blonde suddenly disappears into thin air. A looks down and notices a kanji writing on the tree branch where he is standing. "*Hiraishin marking!*" he thinks to himself as the blonde appears above him armed with a kunai and stabs him. The weapon fails to penetrate his lightning armor and A suddenly turns around and throws another punch but Minato dissappears once again. A leaps away from the marked tree branch and lands on another three.

    "Your armor...is tough." says Minato after appearing on another tree where one of his previous kunai landed.

    "Wow!" exclaimed one of A's companions."Saigo, did you see that?!"

    "This is no time to just stand there watching. We've got to help." said Saigo, another Kumo nin as he begins to form seals while watching Minato and A repeat the same scuffle which ends with Minato teleporting away again. "I'll create an opening for Raikage-sama to get him off guard with my genjutsu." He is shocked when he sees one of Minato's kunai headed towards him.

    "*Damn it! Make it in time!*" A thinks to himself as he rushes toward Saigo at full speed, knowing Minato plans to teleport and kill him but he ultimately fails as Minato teleports to the thrown kunai and stabs Saigo before A gets to him then the Konoha ninja teleports away again.

    "You'll never be as fast as me." says Minato with a very serious expression on his face. "Though it gives me no pleasure to kill any of you but to protect Konoha, you will all die by my hand."

    "Get away from Saigo's corpse! Minato must have already marked it!" A shouts to the rest of his comrades and they leap away from Saigo.

    "A," starts Minato, "while you are a match for me, these ones are not. I suggest you retreat to avoid their deaths. As Kage shouldn't you consider the lives of your comrades above all else?"

    "That may be the childish thinking of you Konoha ninja. However, in Kumo, we don't flee from our enemies to protect our own lives!" A charges up his lightning armor once again. "Especially since this is our opportunity to kill the Yellow Flash, the ninja who is Konoha's trump card in this war. After I kill you, our forces will crush Konoha!"

    "Then you leave me no choice." responds Minato as chakra begins to spin on his palm and eventually forms a sphere.

    A, in another burst of speed, attacks Minato and Minato teleports and reappears near another one of his kunai. A keeps moving forward, fleeing the battlefield.

    "*He's going after Kushina and the others!*" Minato thinks to himself as he begins to chase A. Minato runs after A but the Raikage's lightning armor enhanced speed allows him put a great distance between himself and the Yellow Flash. "I can't catch up!"


    "*I'll start with the Nine Tails jinchuuriki then I'll kill the others.*" A thinks to himself as he presses forward with immense speed.

    Elsewhere, Kushina along with the other Konoha ninja leap from tree to tree as they continue onwards. "*Minato...I hope you're okay*" Kushina thinks to herself.

    "Danger! A very large amount of chakra coming at incredible speed!" Hideki shouts to his comrades. "Its too fast for my Byakugan to properly see it."

    "I'll stop it!" says Kushina as chains emerge from her back and begin to form a barrier around her and her comrades but the incoming opponent speed through its boundary before the barrier is completed. "*I couldn't make it in time.*" she thinks to herself as A apporaches and throws a punch at her.

    "*Die Uzumaki Kushina!*" A thinks to himself as he prepares to kill her but suddenly Minato appears above him.

    "Rasengan!" Minato smashes A in the back with a sphere in his palm sending A crashing into the ground from the treetops.

    To Be Continued.

    Next
     
         
    Last edited by ~Uzumaki~; 10-07-2012 at 11:18 AM.

  2. #2
    ★✩★ Brand ✩★✩ DLA's Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    I like it alot! nice intro nice body nice finish. I'll read it tommoro after my assignment
     
         

  3. #3
    Member ANBUfatso's Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    that was seriously cool, looking forward to the next part
     
         

  4. #4
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    hapy place
     

    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    wow!!!! Amazing your a good writer cant wait till the next part
     
         

  5. #5
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    wow that was something really awesome
    you are a damn good writer you can make up your blog or something and post it something like Naruto Specials or The Past Tales Of Konoha
     
         

  6. #6
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Quote Originally Posted by neilson View Post
    wow!!!! Amazing your a good writer cant wait till the next part
    Wow. Someone thinks I'm amazing. Thank you. wease: I hope you won't mind me PMing you with my next chap. Btw, tell ur friends, need more readers. Going after that FF of the month award :zonder:

    Quote Originally Posted by ANBUfatso View Post
    that was seriously cool, looking forward to the next part
    Thanks ANBUfatso. Glad you enjoyed it. It gonna get more and more exciting. Hope you don't mind me letting you know when the next chap is out. wease:

    Quote Originally Posted by DLA View Post
    I like it alot! nice intro nice body nice finish. I'll read it tommoro after my assignment
    Thanks dude! Its cool. Hope you do get back to it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuubi Uzumaki View Post
    wow that was something really awesome
    you are a damn good writer you can make up your blog or something and post it something like Naruto Specials or The Past Tales Of Konoha
    Hmmm....Good idea. Thanks for reading and thanks for liking, wease: Will let you know when the next chap is out.
     
         
    Last edited by ~Uzumaki~; 10-03-2012 at 12:31 PM.

  7. #7
    Member hariorh's Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    This is really wonderful! I still can't believe I was getting carried away by your tale. I think you need to meet with mr kishi to cook up some nice sequels! Good job!
     
         

  8. #8
    Senior Member Neji360's Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Amazing
     
         

  9. #9
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Quote Originally Posted by hariorh View Post
    This is really wonderful! I still can't believe I was getting carried away by your tale. I think you need to meet with mr kishi to cook up some nice sequels! Good job!
    . Thanks. Thanks for reading man. Will let you know when the next one's out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Neji360 View Post
    Amazing
    Thank you.
     
         

  10. #10
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Okay, first off, I think it would help you a lot if you went through and proof read a few times. Actually, reading it outloud can help you spot errors; just a little trick I picked up from some old writers on a forum I joined some time ago. ^_^ I'm just going to highlight spelling and grammar stuff since no long explanation is really necessary, but I think you should see it for yourself, most of it seems to be tenses. I'm also going to show you sentence structure and some other things, so I'll be taking specific sections for those.

    Quote Originally Posted by Uzumaki16 View Post
    "How far away are they?" asked the blonde ninja dressed in normal Konoha attire standing next to the Huyga scouting with his Byakugan.

    "About 800 metres behind us....and they're gaining on us." replied the Hyuga with fear present in his voice.

    "Hyuga Hideki, he is among them, isn't he?" the blond ninja asked again.

    "Yes, Minato. A, the Fourth Raikage along with 5 other ninja are headed our way." The Hyuga replied.

    Minato turned to his other comrades. "I'll be the decoy that allows you guys to escape. Increase your pace and get as far away as possible."

    "Minato," started one of them, a female with very long (comma) red hair, "are you trying to get yourself killed?! You'll be outnumbered!"

    "You worry too much Kushina. I'll be fine." he responded with a comforting smile. "Now go!" said Minato as he turned backwards, charging alone towards the incoming enemies.

    "He's right Kushina," starts Hideki, "he'll be fine. Its Minato after all."

    "Ok, let's go." says Kushina to the other Konoha ninja.

    Elsewhere, in the same forest, the enemy Kumo ninja press forward, led by a large black skinned man with white hair. Upon seeing someone ahead, he signals (signaled, it needs to be past tense) with his hand and all his followers stopped.

    "You're looking angry as ever, A." Minato teasingly said as he began throwing a flurry of kunai around the battlefield and watched the black skinned man suddenly become coated in lightning. "I see B isn't here with you. By the way, congratulations on being promoted to Raikage. My condolences about your father's-"

    A cuts Minato off, moving with incredible speed at the blonde, his fist is already in front of Minato's face much to Minato's shock. The blonde suddenly disappears into thin air. A looks down and notices a kanji writing on the tree branch where he is standing. "*Hiraishin marking!*" he thinks to himself as the blonde appears above him armed with a kunai and stabs him. The weapon fails to penetrate his lightning armor and A suddenly turns around and throws another punch but Minato dissappears once again. A leaps away from the marked tree branch and lands on another three.

    "Your armor...is tough." says (needs to be past tense again) Minato after appearing on another tree where one of his previous kunai landed.

    "Wow!" exclaimed one of A's companions."Saigo, did you see that?!"

    "This is no time to just stand there watching. We've got to help." said Saigo, another Kumo nin as he begins to form seals while watching Minato and A repeat the same scuffle which ends with Minato teleporting away again. "I'll create an opening for Raikage-sama to get him off guard with my genjutsu." He is shocked when he sees one of Minato's kunai headed towards him.

    "*Damn it! Make it in time!*" A thinks to himself as he rushes toward Saigo at full speed, knowing Minato plans to teleport and kill him but he (this can be removed) ultimately fails as Minato teleports to the thrown kunai and stabs Saigo before A gets to him then the Konoha ninja teleports away again.

    "You'll never be as fast as me." says Minato with a very serious expression on his face. "Though it gives me no pleasure to kill any of you but to protect Konoha, you will all die by my hand."

    "Get away from Saigo's corpse! Minato must have already marked it!" A shouts to the rest of his comrades and they leap away from Saigo.

    "A," starts Minato, "while you are a match for me, these ones are not. I suggest you retreat to avoid their deaths. As Kage shouldn't you consider the lives of your comrades above all else?"

    "That may be the childish thinking of you Konoha ninja. However, in Kumo, we don't flee from our enemies to protect our own lives!" A charges up his lightning armor once again. "Especially since this is our opportunity to kill the Yellow Flash, the ninja who is Konoha's trump card in this war. After I kill you, our forces will crush Konoha!"

    "Then you leave me no choice." responds Minato as chakra begins to spin on his palm and eventually forms a sphere.

    A, in another burst of speed, attacks Minato and Minato teleports and reappears near another one of his kunai. A keeps moving forward, fleeing the battlefield.

    "*He's going after Kushina and the others!*" Minato thinks to himself as he begins to chase A. Minato runs after A but the Raikage's lightning armor enhanced speed allows him (to) put a great distance between himself and the Yellow Flash. "I can't catch up!"


    "*I'll start with the Nine Tails jinchuuriki then I'll kill the others.*" A thinks to himself as he presses forward with immense speed.

    Elsewhere, Kushina along with the other Konoha ninja leap from tree to tree as they continue onwards. "*Minato...I hope you're okay*" Kushina thinks to herself.

    "Danger! A very large amount of chakra coming at incredible speed!" Hideki shouts to his comrades. "Its too fast for my Byakugan to properly see it."

    "I'll stop it!" says Kushina as chains emerge from her back and begin to form a barrier around her and her comrades but the incoming opponent speed through its boundary before the barrier is completed. "*I couldn't make it in time.*" she thinks to herself as A apporaches and throws a punch at her.

    "*Die Uzumaki Kushina!*" A thinks to himself as he prepares to kill her (comma) but suddenly Minato appears above him.

    "Rasengan!" Minato smashes A in the back with a sphere in his palm sending A crashing into the ground from the treetops.

    To Be Continued.

    Next

    Okay, I probably even missed some stuff, but you get the general idea there. ^_^ Check this out though:

    "About 800 metres behind us....and they're gaining on us." replied the Hyuga with fear present in his voice.
    There really isn't a need to keep saying who, we know it's them. So you could remove either one of those and it reads a lot better.

    Now, I'm only going to give one example of this because that's all you'll need to understand. This is more along the lines of repitition.

    "Rasengan!" Minato smashes A in the back with a sphere in his palm sending A crashing into the ground from the treetops.
    Compare with this:

    "Rasengan!" Minato smashes A in the back with a sphere in his palm sending him crashing to the ground from the treetops.
    Alright, the last thing I have for right now is sentence structure:

    "*Damn it! Make it in time!*" A thinks to himself as he rushes toward Saigo at full speed, knowing Minato plans to teleport and kill him but he ultimately fails as Minato teleports to the thrown kunai and stabs Saigo before A gets to him then the Konoha ninja teleports away again.
    This seemed to be the most awkward part, so I picked it as an example. It's always best to try and keep things from getting too...complicated. I'm going to make an attempt to rewrite this another way. ^_^

    "*Damn it! Make it in time!*" A thought to himself. He rushed toward Saigo at full speed, knowing full well that his opponent planned to teleport and kill him. There was nothing he could do; Minato appeared at the thrown kunai and stabbed Saigo before A could get to him, then the Konoha ninja retreated again.
    I also tried to eliminate as much repetition as possible. This^ is the hard part though. It took me a long time to learn how to fix awkward sentences and so forth, and there's probably more that can be done too. Playing with the sentence structure itself will also allow you to eliminate repetitive words and such.

    Alright, hope this helped. ^_^ Just let me know if there's something that doesn't make sense.

    Great job on the chapter!
     
         

  11. #11
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Okay, first off, I think it would help you a lot if you went through and proof read a few times. Actually, reading it outloud can help you spot errors; just a little trick I picked up from some old writers on a forum I joined some time ago. ^_^ I'm just going to highlight spelling and grammar stuff since no long explanation is really necessary, but I think you should see it for yourself, most of it seems to be tenses. I'm also going to show you sentence structure and some other things, so I'll be taking specific sections for those.




    Okay, I probably even missed some stuff, but you get the general idea there. ^_^ Check this out though:



    There really isn't a need to keep saying who, we know it's them. So you could remove either one of those and it reads a lot better.

    Now, I'm only going to give one example of this because that's all you'll need to understand. This is more along the lines of repitition.



    Compare with this:



    Alright, the last thing I have for right now is sentence structure:



    This seemed to be the most awkward part, so I picked it as an example. It's always best to try and keep things from getting too...complicated. I'm going to make an attempt to rewrite this another way. ^_^



    I also tried to eliminate as much repetition as possible. This^ is the hard part though. It took me a long time to learn how to fix awkward sentences and so forth, and there's probably more that can be done too. Playing with the sentence structure itself will also allow you to eliminate repetitive words and such.

    Alright, hope this helped. ^_^ Just let me know if there's something that doesn't make sense.

    Great job on the chapter!
    The tense thing is sth I'm trying to work on. The spelling errors, well..... you got me, was just being lazt there. Anyways, thanks again. I promise you that by the time I enter into the FF of the month contest, this will be a masterpiece. ^_^
     
         

  12. #12
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Quote Originally Posted by Uzumaki16 View Post
    The tense thing is sth I'm trying to work on. The spelling errors, well..... you got me, was just being lazt there. Anyways, thanks again. I promise you that by the time I enter into the FF of the month contest, this will be a masterpiece. ^_^
    Tenses can be hard at times, I've struggled with them recently, but it just takes some understanding. ^_^ It's a lot easier to keep everything in the past tense, except for the dialogue of course.
     
         

  13. #13
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    That was awsome. Dude ur amazing. I loved it
     
         

  14. #14
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Oh, you should have linked this fanfic earlier as it is somewhat old already lol

    Okay, first of all, you should cease doubting yourself as you’re a great if not better writer than myself. I truly was in awe reading this ff So, you decided to go the Minato route and I’ll give you props for at least not going Naruto-related. Don’t get me wrong, its fine and all but has been done too many times and it would be awesome for writers to choose other characters lol Since I have a bad memory I can’t decide whether your ff is depicting Minato vs. A which was flashbacked in the manga or if this is original :o I loved the way you referred to Minato as "the blonde" I’ve done that myself when I used to roleplay I thought in the way you depicted the each original/canon Naruto character was done exceptionally well and very Kishimoto-like I thoroughly enjoyed it and am definitely looking forward to the following chapter my friend ^^
     
         

  15. #15
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Quote Originally Posted by Kuroi Honoo View Post
    Oh, you should have linked this fanfic earlier as it is somewhat old already lol

    Okay, first of all, you should cease doubting yourself as you’re a great if not better writer than myself. I truly was in awe reading this ff So, you decided to go the Minato route and I’ll give you props for at least not going Naruto-related. Don’t get me wrong, its fine and all but has been done too many times and it would be awesome for writers to choose other characters lol Since I have a bad memory I can’t decide whether your ff is depicting Minato vs. A which was flashbacked in the manga or if this is original :o I loved the way you referred to Minato as "the blonde" I’ve done that myself when I used to roleplay I thought in the way you depicted the each original/canon Naruto character was done exceptionally well and very Kishimoto-like I thoroughly enjoyed it and am definitely looking forward to the following chapter my friend ^^
    Yeah, Old I'm already in my tenth....or thirteenth chap :ghehe:

    By God's grace, my writing is WAY better than this chap. Trust me. :scorps: yet to place in the FFotm contest though

    I have two discontinued ones. One on Itachi and the other on Hashirama. And a Naruto-related one

    It was original btw. Minato didn't use Rasengan in the manga against A In the next chap, the battle ends with a bang and features a certain popular Kumo ninja doing something really brave and heroic!

    I try to be as Kishimoto-like as possible

    There's 10+ waiting for you I hope you get to them wease:

    Thanks for reading! Have some :ice:
     
         

  16. #16
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Quote Originally Posted by Uzumaki16 View Post
    Yeah, Old I'm already in my tenth....or thirteenth chap :ghehe:

    By God's grace, my writing is WAY better than this chap. Trust me. :scorps: yet to place in the FFotm contest though

    I have two discontinued ones. One on Itachi and the other on Hashirama. And a Naruto-related one

    It was original btw. Minato didn't use Rasengan in the manga against A In the next chap, the battle ends with a bang and features a certain popular Kumo ninja doing something really brave and heroic!

    I try to be as Kishimoto-like as possible

    There's 10+ waiting for you I hope you get to them wease:

    Thanks for reading! Have some :ice:
    Oh, I see-well then I have a lot of reading to do then lol I will definitely attempt to get to however any I can today

    Nevertheless, your writing is commendable ^^ I see and I'm sure if you were to ever continue those two fanfictions that they would be just as great as this one.

    Well you do a wonderful job of mimicking Kishimoto indeed Thank you for clarifying whether or not this was manga-related or original as I simply could not remember

    Your welcome my friend
     
         

  17. #17
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Quote Originally Posted by Kuroi Honoo View Post
    Oh, I see-well then I have a lot of reading to do then lol I will definitely attempt to get to however any I can today

    Nevertheless, your writing is commendable ^^ I see and I'm sure if you were to ever continue those two fanfictions that they would be just as great as this one.

    Well you do a wonderful job of mimicking Kishimoto indeed Thank you for clarifying whether or not this was manga-related or original as I simply could not remember

    Your welcome my friend
    You're too kind. Thanks again. And no hurry, take your time. wease:
     
         

  18. #18
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Very Very Very Nice, you got my vote.
     
         

  19. #19
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    well, cool not bad
     
         

  20. #20
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    the Lord is the strength of my
    life; of whom shall I be
    afraid
     



    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Quote Originally Posted by sanninuto View Post
    well, cool not bad
    Thanks!
     
         

  21. #21
    Future Presidente DoubleA49's Avatar
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    Writing some stuff... It's a
    surprise...
     



    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    458 views -_- Damn...

    Every view is deserved, I'm kind of disappointed that it's ending already, but it's been a fantastic story.
     
         

  22. #22
    Senior Member Hori's Avatar
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    Thinking again? There's
    nothing wrong with thinking.
    But you're smart enough, so
    why not just solve the
    problem?
     



    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    wellmade fan fic
     
         

  23. #23
    %%%The Dark Wizard%%% Avinash012's Avatar
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    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    I like it alot keep it up...............
     
         

  24. #24
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
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    The Lord is my light and my
    salvation; whom shall I fear?
    the Lord is the strength of my
    life; of whom shall I be
    afraid
     



    Re: Unknown Tales of Namikaze Minato

    Quote Originally Posted by Avinash012 View Post
    I like it alot keep it up...............
    Thanks man!
     
         

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