Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Senior Member Dribbles's Avatar
    Status
    Dribbles is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Australia, Sydney
    Posts
    1,994
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    Chapter Two is up! Check it out here !! ----> ( Part 2 )

    Well this is my first try at a fanfic, i've been inspired by alot of people and thought i would give it a try.

    ~ Thread of Hope Poem ~

    How did it come to this
    after all we have been through
    two of a pair on opposite sides,
    From the very start
    with passion we lived
    watched each others backs
    we are closer then brothers!

    Now we have to fight each other
    shall we trust our fates to the hearts of each other?
    No matter what let our lives begin
    No matter what may the best man win,
    we were once in this together, but now we know
    we will be friends forever. It's been you and me against the world
    but we never thought anything would be this hard
    Time's running out with everything hanging in the balance
    We will show them what we are made of,
    as we fight with our hearts!

    I swear I will hold onto that Thread of Hope,
    that one day we will stand together, as friends again!


    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    'My friend..'
    'My brother..'
    'How could it come to this..'

    ~ Far, far from the village known as Konoha, two figures stood in front of eachother, in a dusty, endless plain of sand. The endless sandstorm raged on, as the two blood-covered figures drew their final breath, and fell to their knees..


    'Why..'


    - - Four Years Ago - -

    A boy, around the age of 13 lay down in a hospital bed wrapped in bandages.
    He was asleep, plagued by the nightmares of his lost cause..

    Suddenly an old, funny looking man appeared in the window..
    He was suited in a red vest, with a white shirt underneath. He wore a headband, with the symbol "Oil' written in the center. His hair was large and spikey, and was tied in a spiked-ponytail going down below his waist.

    Man: 'Naruto...'

    Naruto woke up with a shock, leaning upwards quickly and looking around frantically.

    Naruto: 'Pervy-Sennin!? Where is Sasuke!?' He yelled eagerly, waiting for an answer..

    Jiraiya looked at Naruto with sorrow in his eyes, he obviously knew what Naruto had gone through..

    Jiraiya: 'His gone, to Orochimaru'

    The shock in Naruto's eyes grew, and his eyes slowly began to water..
    He looked down, and noticed Sasuke's headband on his lap..


    He placed it in his palms, staring at it for a few seconds, and began to sob.

    Naruto:'I was supposed to bring him back.. I promised!'

    He tightened his grip around the headband, thinking back to the battle..

    Sasuke: 'You never had any parents or siblings, you were alone from the start! You couldn't possibly understand what i'm going through, so mind your own business!'
    Jiraiya sighed, and eventually put his hand on Naruto's shoulder

    Jiraiya: 'Don't hold it against yourself Naruto, it wasn't your fault..'

    Naruto: 'NO! I never go back on a promise, that's my ninja way!'

    Naruto looked up, his eyes brighter then ever.

    Naruto: 'I won't give up, I will bring him back to the village, I promised!'

    He looked back to the headband.

    Naruto: 'I swear, on my life. I will bring him back! I will hold onto that small thread of hope, that we will stand together as Team 7 again!'

    ~ More then Three Years Later ~

    Naruto knelt down, at the end of a destroyed battleground with debris lying everywhere. Huge shards of rock were splitting out from the ground, covering the entire battlefield as if the heavens themselves had opened up. Thick dust was polluting the air, limiting vision to a very small degree.

    Sasuke stood there, standing over the top of Naruto, glaring down at him with his Sharingan activated.

    Sasuke: 'Hmph.. Your so weak..'

    Naruto was very weak, holding a deep wound in his stomach.
    He coughed up blood, as he struggled to utter two words..


    Naruto: 'Sasuke.. please..'

    Sasuke slowly slid out his blade, getting ready to deliver the final blow. He held the sword above Naruto's head, and pulled it back preparing to kill Naruto.

    Sasuke: 'I thought your resolve was strong, but it just turned out you were the same as everyone else.. My hatred is stronger then you, so die now knowing you failed!'

    He yelled these words, and swung his blade down towards Naruto's neck.

    Suddenly a huge burst of wind sent Sasuke flying backwards, but he quickly regained his footing to see the Shinobi Alliance rushing to Naruto's Aid.

    Sasuke turned around, letting out a 'hmph' before sheathing his sword as he walked away.. He slowly faded into the thick dust that surrounded the battleground, out of the Shinobi's sight.

    Naruto's sight was blurry, and he began to go unconcious..
    The last thing he seen was Sasuke's figure in the distance.. Yet again escaping him...


    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    I hope you enjoyed, this is my first try at a fanfic so ALL criticism is defiantly welcome and accepted. I know the start is already a part of the original manga, but it is necessary for the base of the fanfic.

    Also if you can, try to point out any grammar mistakes so I can fix them ( I'm a major grammar nazi and HATE spelling things wrong

    I will probably get to work on chapter two some time throughout the week, so add me and i'll be sure to send you a link when i make it!
     
         
    Last edited by Dribbles; 08-05-2012 at 12:37 PM.

  2. #2
    Tsūki's Avatar
    Status
    Tsūki is online now
    Gender
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    35,957
    Post Thanks / Like
    Laziness at its finest.
     



    Re: ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    That was awesome man :D, the only thing I can comment on is that this:

    "Sasuke: You never had any parents or siblings, you were alone from the start! You couldn't possibly understand what i'm going through, so mind your own business!"
    It should've been in italic or something to distinguish it from the dialgue because sasuke isn't here, it's just that naruto was remembering what sasuke told him :9 (I hope that was what it meant :ghehe:, he wasn't supposed to be here right?)
     
         

  3. #3
    Rinnegan Zayon Uchiha's Avatar
    Status
    Zayon Uchiha is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    1,138
    Post Thanks / Like
    Rinnegan
     

    Re: ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    Nice man
     
         

  4. #4
    I am an amazing Friend Yuka's Avatar
    Status
    Yuka is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    United states
    Posts
    6,311
    Post Thanks / Like
    i'm not feeling well
     



    Re: ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    it was a really great fanfic
     
         

  5. #5
    Senior Member Dribbles's Avatar
    Status
    Dribbles is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Australia, Sydney
    Posts
    1,994
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsukiyoumi93 View Post
    That was awesome man :D, the only thing I can comment on is that this:

    "Sasuke: You never had any parents or siblings, you were alone from the start! You couldn't possibly understand what i'm going through, so mind your own business!"
    It should've been in italic or something to distinguish it from the dialgue because sasuke isn't here, it's just that naruto was remembering what sasuke told him :9 (I hope that was what it meant :ghehe:, he wasn't supposed to be here right?)
    Wow, if thats the only criticism you have then I must have done a nice job :D

    And from now on, for flashbacks i'm going to quote the text, to make it more realistic


    Quote Originally Posted by Zayon Uchiha View Post
    Nice man
    Thanks :D
     
         

  6. #6
    Yolo ist Power
    Status
    Shiina.. is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    The Netherlands. ^^
    Posts
    9,002
    Post Thanks / Like
    For the corps!
     



    Re: ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    Wow! Very nicee :D.. I can't wait for part 2
    Great job! +Rep

    EDITED: Oops I can't rep you :$ .. So "Thank you"
     
         

  7. #7
    Senior Member Dribbles's Avatar
    Status
    Dribbles is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Australia, Sydney
    Posts
    1,994
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    Quote Originally Posted by Narutokyuubii View Post
    Wow! Very nicee :D.. I can't wait for part 2
    Great job! +Rep
    Hehe thankyou, glad you enjoyed it :D
     
         

  8. #8
    Premium User Skylar Knight's Avatar
    Status
    Skylar Knight is offline
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    NarutoBase
    Posts
    3,662
    Post Thanks / Like
    If I get reincarnated... I
    wanna become a clam.
     



    Re: ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    Really good chapter Great job! Going to read the rest later
     
         

  9. #9
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
    Status
    ThatOneChick is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    In a dream.
    Posts
    9,071
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     



    Re: ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    I really liked the poem at the top! ^_^ I'm not too big on anime based fictions, but this one was good, minus a few mistakes. ex:
    "Naruto's sight was blurry, and he began to go unconcious.." unconscious also I would use something different than the word go, maybe.... Naruto's sight began to blur as he slipped into an unconscious state. Don't be afraid to play around with words and sentences to make it more appealing to the audience!

    All in all it was good, just not my cup of tea. If you love to write, then keep working at it; never give up a passion you have!
     
         
    Last edited by ThatOneChick; 10-15-2012 at 04:04 AM.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Dribbles's Avatar
    Status
    Dribbles is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Australia, Sydney
    Posts
    1,994
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: ~ The Thread of Hope - - An Undying Resolve ( Part 1 )

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    I really liked the poem at the top! ^_^ I'm not too big on anime based fictions, but this one was good, minus a few mistakes. ex:
    "Naruto's sight was blurry, and he began to go unconcious.." unconscious also I would use something different than the word go, maybe.... Naruto's sight began to blur as he slipped into an unconscious state. Don't be afraid to play around with words and sentences to make it more appealing to the audience!

    All in all it was good, just not my cup of tea. If you love to write, then keep working at it; never give up a passion you have!
    Thanks for the advice, you seem a lot like me when I throw around criticism, haha

    I really do like to write, but the same thing that gets in the way of my entire life - My laziness will probably stop me from doing so, I'll probably continue when i'm motivated, but until then, thanks for the help ^_^
     
         

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •