View Poll Results: Should Mavi and Kota be together?

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  • No, Mavi cries too much to be with Kota

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  1. #1
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    Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Here is Chapter 8! It's shorter than usual, but I'm really impressed with this chapter. I decided to add a poll, so please vote for your honest opinion. I messed up the poll, but the first option is yes. :ghehe:

    Note: This chapter is in Kota's Point of View, not Mavi's!

    Previous Chapters:


    Fate or Hope

    Chapter 8

    His body felt pain everywhere, and there was no way he could move. His body felt so heavy compared to before. He was freezing cold; it felt like he was laying on a pile of snow. To think that the water caused his defeat. When Mavi tried to hit him with bolts he barely jumped out of the way, but then the bolts collided with the water. That was what got him; the water conducted the electricity. He wanted to know if Mavi snapped out of Tatsuki's control after her attack, or if she was still under his control. He couldn't remember if she said anything else after that. She was the only thing that was in his mind, even though he barely knew her. He never noticed how much she affected him in such a short amount of time. Maybe it was because she saved him from Tatsuki once, but he wasn't able to save her. 'I'm sorry, Mavi. I'm sorry.' If she weren't under his control then she would be there, and he would be able to hear her voice. Her soft voice that didn't want to fight; the voice that believed in herself. She didn't deserve being controlled against her will.

    Tatsuki kept him away from Mavi when she started to cry. She was doing perfectly fine, until she started to cry. 'What causes her to cry like that?' was a question that he asked every time she cried. Every time she cried it was unexpected. He wanted to ask her, but he felt like he would lose her if he asked something like that. He stilled remembered the first time she cried like that.

    It was in third grade, and they were in the same class. Mavi finally returned after being absent for a week. He was curious why she was gone, until the teacher pointed out that she was really sick. He believed the teacher since Mavi didn't look like she was well. He felt sorry for her when she came back. She was probably still sick, but wasn't sick enough to stay home.

    He was planning on talking to her during lunch, since she didn't interact with anybody. It was like she was on mute; she didn't want to talk to anybody. The only time she talked was to answer a question. It was easy for her to answer the questions, until they started Language Arts. That day in Language Arts they each had to read a phrase from their textbook. When it was Mavi's turn to read a phrase she managed to read half of it, and then she burst into tears. The kids around her covered their ears and ran away from her while the teacher ran over to her.

    He was looking at Mavi when she started to cry, and he saw no change in her expression until she started to cry. The phrase she had to read wasn't emotional either, so he couldn't figure out what caused a sudden change in emotion. She wouldn't calm down, either. The teacher had to escort her to the nurse's office, and Mavi didn't come back to class that day. The whole class was talking about her, though. They all called her a baby, and said she only did that to get more attention. His anger kept on building up that day, and he wanted to punch every single one of them. He didn't have to deal with them every day, because by the end of the day a huge wave of water appeared in the room, and soaked all the kids, except for him. Not even the teacher got wet. He figured the kids were terrified to speak about Mavi again; even he was terrified to speak badly about anyone. They even moved classrooms for a while while someone checked the roof to see if there were any holes that caused all the water to appear.


    Not only did Mavi cry for the first time back then, but that was when he awakened his first power. He didn't realize it was him at first, but every time he got angry at them during class then there would be a flood. He was there for Mavi back then, even though he didn't know it. He had to do something! He couldn't abandon Mavi; he was going to save her!

    His forced his eyes to open, and he grunts in the pain he felt just from opening them. He had no idea how long he had been out, but the water around him was gone. He didn't feel any water on his skin, except for his soaking wet clothes. If the clothes were still wet, then it couldn't have been that long.

    He tried to move his arms so he could start healing himself, but his arms wouldn't budge. He couldn't heal himself unless he could move his arms. 'Am I paralyzed from the electricity that went through me?' He had to do something, otherwise Mavi would be stuck as Tatsuki's slave. “Move! Please arms, move! I have to rescue Mavi! I have to...” he cried sadly. He felt the tears roll down his face, and it was embarrassing for him. He never cried, and he couldn't wipe the tears away. He was so weak compared to Tatsuki and Eita. All he did that helped was heal Mavi. To think he thought he might have had a chance with a girl like her. She was so pure, and that was rare in their world. She hated violence, but she would fight to protect the ones close to her. She would even fight just to protect innocent people, otherwise she wouldn't have saved him from Tatsuki.

    His heart beat started to speed up just from thinking of what happened in third grade, and from what happened when Mavi saved him. 'Why? Why do I feel this way?' He had no idea what that feeling was. He didn't love Mavi. He couldn't love someone he barely knew. Even if he did love her, there was no way she would feel the same way about him. He didn't even know what love felt like. He had no idea if it was an obvious emotion like sad or happy, or if it was a complicated emotion that was hard to understand. 'Why!? Why am I so weak!? Why can't I protect the people I care about?'

    He saw a small light at the corner of his left eye, but he couldn't turn his head to look in the direction. It wasn't a light that was blinding, nor was it a light that was barely lit. It seemed like it was in the middle; a soft and gentle light. “What? What's going on?”

    “You're not weak,” a child's voice said.

    Author's Note:
    I know it was a short chapter, but I'm really impressed with this chapter. It is in Kota's Point of View, not Mavi's! I hope some people will vote in the poll, because I want to see what some people think. If the poll is closed before you can vote, then just comment your opinion. :D
     
         
    Last edited by Netsui; 07-30-2012 at 07:28 AM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Pretty well done and a nice touch switching points-of-view like that I think you meant "sudden change in emotion" rather than expressions:D And it looks like you're doing better with your little repetition problem

    Looks like you got the poll working, but is that really what you wanted your first option to be?
     
         

  3. #3
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Pretty well done and a nice touch switching points-of-view like that I think you meant "sudden change in emotion" rather than expressions:D And it looks like you're doing better with your little repetition problem

    Looks like you got the poll working, but is that really what you wanted your first option to be?
    Thanks for that, and yeah. It's basically the same thing. I like the poll options like that.
     
         

  4. #4
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    Thanks for that, and yeah. It's basically the same thing. I like the poll options like that.
    I know I'm just saying it's a bit weird asking that question, then basically putting "No,..." and the same question with a different wording as the options
     
         

  5. #5
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    I know I'm just saying it's a bit weird asking that question, then basically putting "No,..." and the same question with a different wording as the options
    Yeah, but I didn't want to make that rude. Not to mention, since it's Kota's PoV, I wanted to start it off with Kota, not Mavi.

    Although, I'm glad you think I pulled out the changing of Point of Views like that. I was worried I couldn't pull it. :ghehe:
     
         

  6. #6
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    It was a very Good Story so keep up the excellent-work
     
         

  7. #7
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuka View Post
    It was a very Good Story so keep up the excellent-work
    Thanks. ^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it.
     
         

  8. #8
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    Yeah, but I didn't want to make that rude. Not to mention, since it's Kota's PoV, I wanted to start it off with Kota, not Mavi.

    Although, I'm glad you think I pulled out the changing of Point of Views like that. I was worried I couldn't pull it. :ghehe:
    Yeah, you did good:D And what I meant was that you basically didn't give "yes" as an option, you just reworded the question
     
         

  9. #9
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Yeah, you did good:D And what I meant was that you basically didn't give "yes" as an option, you just reworded the question
    Ooh. Thanks. I really didn't notice that. :ghehe: I edited my OP, since I can't edit the poll.
     
         

  10. #10
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    Ooh. Thanks. I really didn't notice that. :ghehe: I edited my OP, since I can't edit the poll.
    Oh That's alright
     
         

  11. #11
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by chakrawizard555 View Post
    Oh That's alright
    Now to start Chapter 9. :scorps: It doesn't matter that it's 2:37 AM here. :overjoy: That explains how I messed up the yes option. I mess things up when I'm tired.

    Though yay, my repetition is starting to go away! :overjoy:
     
         

  12. #12
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    very nice I really enjoyed reading this chapter it was an awesome read
     
         

  13. #13
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by serenaandrosie View Post
    very nice I really enjoyed reading this chapter it was an awesome read
    ^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it.
     
         

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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Pretty good; and no, the poll won't close unless there's a time limit.

    The repetition thing is better, but there's still a lot of it. "Cried" was used a bunch for example. Things like "shed tears" or something to that effect would be an alternative. Creativity is the key with that; thinking outside the box and taking the time to see other possibilities.

    There were also some tense issues here and there, but apparently I struggle with that a lot myself.

    One typo I caught in bold:

    "Not only did Mavi cry for the first time back then, but that was when he awakened his first power. He didn't realize it what him at first"

    I'm glad the poll worked out well for you, and don't worry about the minor mistake on that.

    Keep it up, and nice job with the perspective change.
     
         

  15. #15
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Pretty good; and no, the poll won't close unless there's a time limit.

    The repetition thing is better, but there's still a lot of it. "Cried" was used a bunch for example. Things like "shed tears" or something to that effect would be an alternative. Creativity is the key with that; thinking outside the box and taking the time to see other possibilities.

    There were also some tense issues here and there, but apparently I struggle with that a lot myself.

    One typo I caught in bold:

    "Not only did Mavi cry for the first time back then, but that was when he awakened his first power. He didn't realize it what him at first"

    I'm glad the poll worked out well for you, and don't worry about the minor mistake on that.

    Keep it up, and nice job with the perspective change.
    Thanks for pointing that out. No! Not tense issues again! I thought I got over tenses. Guess I should look over those again. And I did put a time limit on the poll, for some reason. Maybe because it was my first poll. At least I'm getting better with repetition. I can still improve. :scorps:

    Yay! :D I succeeded in the perspective change. I'm glad you liked it though. ^^
     
         

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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    Thanks for pointing that out. No! Not tense issues again! I thought I got over tenses. Guess I should look over those again. And I did put a time limit on the poll, for some reason. Maybe because it was my first poll. At least I'm getting better with repetition. I can still improve. :scorps:

    Yay! :D I succeeded in the perspective change. I'm glad you liked it though. ^^
    Why a time limit though?

    Yes, one can always improve. :scorps: It's when one believes they are the best and can't be better that they have failed themselves.
     
         

  17. #17
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Great read keep it up thus is my first time reading but it's awesome message me so I can get caught up
     
         

  18. #18
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Why a time limit though?

    Yes, one can always improve. :scorps: It's when one believes they are the best and can't be better that they have failed themselves.
    I don't know myself. Maybe I was too tired and just placed a random number, or maybe I just want people to comment their opinions (low chance) once the poll closes?


    Quote Originally Posted by Cobra73
    Great read keep it up thus is my first time reading but it's awesome message me so I can get caught up
    Okay. I'm glad you enjoyed it. The previous chapters are at the top of the page, so you can always click those if you want to catch up.
     
         

  19. #19
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    NICE JOB :D You are really good at writing
     
         

  20. #20
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Quote Originally Posted by endo View Post
    NICE JOB :D You are really good at writing
    ^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks.
     
         

  21. #21
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    Great Chap. Next.
     
         

  22. #22
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    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 8

    I really loved this chapter I really enjoyed that flashback aswell ^^
    (I vote yes )
     
         

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