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  1. #1
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
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    Star Light Chapter 2

    I worked really hard on this chapter. My power went out, so I had to use a flash light just to write most of it! It is a shorter chapter, didn't want to make it too long, and I just loved where I ended it. I'm sorry, it's probably not an interesting chapter, but I promise, the next chapter will be interesting! :D And I apologize that it is such a short chapter.

    I would like to thank TOC, ThatOneChick, for helping me out with ideas, characters, and everything since she gave me a new look for part of the FF.

    Chapters:


    Star Light

    Chapter 2

    She had a feeling she wasn't supposed to hear that argument. Whoever was arguing with Mr. Naga had to be dangerous. 'No, I must be over thinking about this. Maybe a lower class student didn't score high enough to get in, but they were allowed in anyway,' she told herself. She was frozen with fear just from the part she heard. She had no idea what would happen to her if she knocked on the door. She would get in even more trouble if Mr. Naga found out she was supposed to see him, but didn't. 'It's a lose-lose situation no matter what I choose!'

    “Mr. Naga?” she asked as she knocked on the door. She thought she should just get it over with, instead of dealing with him later.

    The doors opened, and somebody stormed out of the office, She didn't see his face, but she saw his black hair. Hopefully she would never meet that guy.

    She walked in the office, which was still in good shape. She thought that maybe there was a fight, but that wasn't the case. Mr. Naga's desk was organized, with some papers in the middle. There were two chairs in front of the desk, probably for when he talked to students, or parents. All the chairs were black, and all of the chairs were made out of leather.

    “Rusu,” took her out of her thoughts, “school just started, and you're here already. That has to be a new record.”

    Mr. Naga was sitting at his desk. He looked exhausted; his silver eyes that are usually filled with warmth showed no emotion. It seemed like a shadow was cast over his eyes.

    She never understood why he didn't dress like a principal. Instead of being dressed up in a dress suit he wore a red, dragon scale T-shirt, and wore black jeans. He seemed the exact opposite of a principal. Even his son dressed better than him!

    “I was only a second late to class!” she said annoyingly as she was fuming angrily. “The rules you set up for the top class are too strict. What about the younger students?”

    “Do you really think age matters?” he asked. “Everyone in the top class has strict rules because they are the smartest in the school. You're the only one who has a problem with the rules.”

    “That's because I can't accept the rules the way they are!” she yelled.

    Mr. Naga sighed, and he got out of his chair. “Student's don't make the rules. All the rules were made for a reason. Now, Rusu, tell me. How much did you hear just now?”

    She hesitated to talk. She didn't want to talk to Mr. Naga about it. She had no idea if he agreed with that other guy! 'Why am I panicking? All I have to do is lie through this.'

    “I don't know what you're talking about.” she lied. Don't try to change the topic!”

    His expressionless eyes were suddenly filled with anger, and she slowly started to back up. Mr. Naga never got angry when a student was near. She was terrified of him; her instincts were yelling at her to run. 'Why am I so terrified of him? He's just a principal.'

    “You shouldn't lie to me, Rusu. I only want to know what you heard. If you insist on lying, then I'll have to use force,” he warned.

    “I didn't hear anything! I only saw that guy leave your office!” she cried out in fear.

    Mr. Naga slowly walked over to her, and she backed away from him, until he stopped at the door. He slammed the doors shut as he said, “I have no other choice. You're not leaving until you tell me the truth!”

    He was serious! At that rate, she would never leave his office! He could probably lie to her parents, so he wouldn't have to worry about them! He could easily tell them she had detention for being late, or for acting up.

    “Mr. Naga, I know you're angry, but I'm not lying!” she lied.

    Mr. Naga picked up one of the chairs in front of his desk, and turned toward her. 'Did he go crazy!? I can't believe he would go as far as throwing a chair!' she told herself. 'Fiore, were you right about this school?'

    “Father, are you exhausted?” somebody asked. “How many times do I have to tell you this? Don't you dare hurt her.”

    Author's Note:
    I know that the first chapter probably wasn't that interesting, same with this one, but it usually takes a chapter or two to get into the good stuff. :zonder: Chapter 3 will be very interesting, because I already know what's going to happen in it. It might be longer than Chapter 2, which was actually pretty short. I didn't want it to be that short, but I couldn't fit much more into that chapter.
     
         
    Last edited by Netsui; 07-01-2012 at 03:50 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior captain 9th div. Kensei muguruma's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    It reads more like dialogue to me but I'm no writer so keep going.
     
         

  3. #3
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    I'll have to read it tomorrow We have a bad storm here, like seriously a huge tree just fell over from the wind alone and the rain, thunder, and lightning haven't even rolled in yet.
     
         

  4. #4
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    I'll have to read it tomorrow We have a bad storm here, like seriously a huge tree just fell over from the wind alone and the rain, thunder, and lightning haven't even rolled in yet.
    That storm sounds awful. I can't believe the storm is that bad, even though I went through storms like that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kensei muguruma View Post
    It reads more like dialogue to me but I'm no writer so keep going.
    A lot of my FFs end up like this. I try not to have too much dialogue, but that was kind of futile in this chapter. Chapter 3 might end up being one of my favorite chapters.
     
         

  5. #5
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    First editing:

    “Rusu,” took her out of her thoughts. “School just started, and you're here already. That has to be a new record.” ok here you take out the period and add a comma and lower case school as you are continuing his line as you just added a small pause basically, not ended the sentence.

    “I was only a second late to class,” she said annoyingly. Take the comma out and add an ! to show more feeling. Also say she fumed angrily to show the amount of frustration she is feeling.

    “I don't know what you're talking about,” she lied. Don't try to change the topic!” Add a period instead of the comma and What is up with the bold?

    When did the mysterious figure show up? You just added his comment but said that Mr Naga closed the doors. O_o

    So hot! (You know what I'm talking about) lol Ok now:

    WHY SO SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!! How could you do that to me Netsui! You're killing me here!

    Great job, can't wait to read the next!
     
         

  6. #6
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    First editing:

    “Rusu,” took her out of her thoughts. “School just started, and you're here already. That has to be a new record.” ok here you take out the period and add a comma and lower case school as you are continuing his line as you just added a small pause basically, not ended the sentence.

    “I was only a second late to class,” she said annoyingly. Take the comma out and add an ! to show more feeling. Also say she fumed angrily to show the amount of frustration she is feeling.

    “I don't know what you're talking about,” she lied. Don't try to change the topic!” Add a period instead of the comma and What is up with the bold?

    When did the mysterious figure show up? You just added his comment but said that Mr Naga closed the doors. O_o

    So hot! (You know what I'm talking about) lol Ok now:

    WHY SO SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!! How could you do that to me Netsui! You're killing me here!

    Great job, can't wait to read the next!
    You'll see in chapter 3. I know it was weird that the mysterious figure randomly walked in, but you'll see how, and why.

    I know! The shortness killed me too, but it had to be done. :noc:

    Thanks for the advice.
     
         

  7. #7
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    You'll see in chapter 3. I know it was weird that the mysterious figure randomly walked in, but you'll see how, and why.

    I know! The shortness killed me too, but it had to be done. :noc:

    Thanks for the advice.
    Yeah talking isn't my style in most chapters, so don't be afraid to put some action or yelling into it to spice up dialogue as well. There was a lot of talking. Anytime ^_^
     
         

  8. #8
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    Yeah talking isn't my style in most chapters, so don't be afraid to put some action or yelling into it to spice up dialogue as well. There was a lot of talking. Anytime ^_^
    Yeah. I'm not a huge fan of talking, but I couldn't avoid it in this chapter. Oh and the bold in your last comment, they were first talking why she ended up in his office, then he just doesn't care and asks that out of the blue.
     
         

  9. #9
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    Yeah. I'm not a huge fan of talking, but I couldn't avoid it in this chapter. Oh and the bold in your last comment, they were first talking why she ended up in his office, then he just doesn't care and asks that out of the blue.
    Ah it was just in the same sentence with her speech and I didn't know who was talking also you left out the other quote.
     
         

  10. #10
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    Ah it was just in the same sentence with her speech and I didn't know who was talking also you left out the other quote.
    Oh! I didn't realize that! Thank you for pointing that out. It was her talking, because she didn't want to talk about it.
     
         

  11. #11
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    Oh! I didn't realize that! Thank you for pointing that out. It was her talking, because she didn't want to talk about it.
    lol np That's why I put it in bold. So that way you could see it exactly how you wrote it so you could go back and fix it.
     
         

  12. #12
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    lol np That's why I put it in bold. So that way you could see it exactly how you wrote it so you could go back and fix it.
    I hope you'll understand about the mysterious figure at the beginning of Chapter 3. I didn't expect that to confuse you.
     
         

  13. #13
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    I hope you'll understand about the mysterious figure at the beginning of Chapter 3. I didn't expect that to confuse you.
    :lmao: That didn't confuse me, more so how he got into the office did. I would have said the door creaked open or a mysterious voice said from the shadows of the room. Something to tell the audience where this person is. Does that make sense?
     
         

  14. #14
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    :lmao: That didn't confuse me, more so how he got into the office did. I would have said the door creaked open or a mysterious voice said from the shadows of the room. Something to tell the audience where this person is. Does that make sense?
    Yeah. I have a good reason why she didn't hear a creak. At least, I hope it's a good reason.
     
         

  15. #15
    Senior Member serenaandrosie's Avatar
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    Re: Star Light Chapter 2

    its really getting good i really enjoy this
     
         

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