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  1. #1
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Again, I apologize for the length of my chapters and if my grammar is poor and if I have made a mistake or it's not very interesting. But I hope you’re enjoying it and also please post a message with any advice or comments. I’m very grateful to anyone viewing this. ^^
    And thanks to EL MAGNIFICO for still supporting and helping me. :D
    And of course, everyone who liked my previous Fanfiction post. I wouldn't be posting this if it wasn't for all your positive comments, support and help!
    Here is the link to Chapter 1, Part 1 if you haven’t read it first and would like to read it.
    http://www.narutobase.net/forums/sho...79#post6879979
    By the way, my characters Hana and Tenshi resemble and fight like these two woman, Oichi from Sengoku Basara and Teresa from Claymore. I wanted my two characters to sound like they look like these two anime characters and also their abilities resemble theirs. So if it’s difficult to picture how they fight or look, just search up Oichi and Teresa if it’s helpful.

    ~Chapter 1, Part 2: A Frostbitten, Black Flower's Angel~
    The next day
    “Everyone, please keep back! This is too hard to handle!” We’re all going to die, Konoha is going to be destroyed!” “Is the back-up here yet!?” “Someone, take it down quickly, kill it!” “Where is the Hokage!?” Panicked voices and helpless and horrific screaming repeat in a loop in the bleeding ears of a frozen, silently crying Hana. And suddenly, the face of the Tailed Fox appeared metres before her. Fear, loneliness… death. All these suffocating words would describe how Hana felt at that sudden moment. And then, as Hana lost conscious and almost made contact with the burning ground, two large pair of hands reached for her miniature body and as light as a feather, Tenshi held onto her tightly. Tenshi swiftly reaches for her large sword on her back and with one quick and giant swing, the air surrounding the two is sliced and continually cut like thousands of paper cuts. This prevents the Nine Tails to attempt to hit them as Tenshi rushed away at the speed of sound to an empty street filled with houses. “Young man! Please take care of this child, she has no one here to look after her.” Tenshi calmly and slowly places Hana in front of the boy with raven hair. “Sure, she’ll be safe here.” He replies looking down with a plain expression at the bleeding and scarred girl with dried up tears stuck to her burning cheeks. Tenshi nods as she looks at the baby laying in the hands of the dark haired teenager. “Thank you.” Tenshi quickly dashes off to the damaged land around the Nine Tails as the young boy walks away from Hana, bringing a medical kit and sitting beside her, rocking the younger child in his arms as he heals Hana’s wounds.

    Morning
    Hana’s most adored place now had a presence that made the distraught child more than terrified to visit it.
    There, the woman’s name was carved in. Tenshi, who lost her life while fighting against the Nine Tails.
    Tears shower the Memorial Stone like a fountain as black hair caress’s the stone loosely. A weak, breaking voice shouts helplessly, the same name. Her name, “Tenshi!” Reaching to the heavens until her throat has no more sound left, Hana’s world is gone forever.

    Hana and Tenshi, Konoha’s flowers. They now blossom as opposites.

    15 years later
    “Hana, why the hell are you taking so long in the bathroom!?” A man bellowed, waving his scythe around in the air madly and aggressively. Hana stared at herself through the mirror, trying to ignore the slams on the door as she places a pair of scissors on the soaking and freezing sink. Her now colourless hair trailed along the damn floor like a snake and her fringe now only reaching to her eyebrows revealed her two empty, huge, black holes in her face for the first time. Now, her eyes are the only sign of colour in this walking corpse, but only just.

    She slowly makes her way to the door where the loud knocking was about to break down the door. Instead, a pair of black, shadow like hands reaches to the doors hinges, pulling the door completely apart as pieces of the wood crashed to the floor. “You can have it now.” Hana said in a husky voice directed to no one as she aimlessly pondered in the hideout’s corridors. The yelling man had jumped back from the sudden destruction of the door, swearing like a tape on repeat, pointing out the door in annoyance and temper. But suddenly, two black hands surround the cursing man as they push him into the room, caging him in like a lion in a circus.

    Hana lifelessly walks to her room, keeping the religious man locked in the bathroom with two of her shadow hands keeping the door shut. She passes by a human puppet, a shark looking man and the other half of the zombie pair. “She looks more lifeless than Pinocchio today.” The stitched up mummy looking man said jokingly. “Look who’s talking, one of the immortal zombie buddies.” The sharp toothed man commented with a chuckle on the end. “Don’t butt in shark boy, you’re just a freak show!” This causes the grown man to end up in the corner of the hallway, with his head lowered down with a depressing air surrounding him. “I’ve said this before… I’m nothing but an attraction for sharks... and shark lovers... And Sushi lovers...”

    As the three men hurt each other’s feelings, a blue haired woman opens the door containing a hot tempered Jashinist who aims for Hana’s head on the other side of the hall as Hana’s two arms which held the angry Jashin worshipper at bay now retreat to her body. However, even with her back turned, the scythe is pushed away from Hana’s neck thanks to her two huge, black arms that crashes the scythe into a particular blonde head’s room.

    “Hey! What the hell’s the deal, yeah!? Why did you just crash into my wall, !?” The feminine looking man ordered for an answer, stomping to Hana’s side while a masked young man appeared on the other side of her. “You’ve made Senpai really mad now! Be scared, be very scared as I, Akatsuki's good boy, will take my revenge for breaking my beloved Senpai's wall down!” The orange mask shouted, jumping up and down with fists clenched and ‘putting up’ a fighting stance. He looked like a scary clown trying to catch the attention of some terrified young children. The blonde wasn't very impressed though with his 'friend's' help, as it resulted in the orange mask flying across the hall by a clay explosion sending him face first into the open bathroom.

    Meanwhile, a talking and human eating venus fly trap joins in with the fight going on in the middle of the hallway while the paper controlling woman tries to calm the Jashin worshipper down, ignoring the flying masked boy in the bathroom. With Hana’s back still turned to everyone she looks up to see Uchiha eyes glaring down at her. As their eyes connected, the leader of this Organisation joins in the hallway fight. With piercings around his nose, ears and below his mouth, Pain enters.
    “Enough! Who started this pointless fighting?” Pain asks moving his eyes across the hallway first staring at Zetsu trying to eat Kisame to Hidan in the background, yelling over Konan’s speech and then to Sasori and Kakuzu who stood like a pair of scarecrows just watching the sad drama unfold. Sasori looks over to the bathroom to see a weak Tobi crawling out from it. Sasori shakes his head while Kakuzu tries to stop his laughter.

    Pain finally manages to figure out the cause of the damage and chaos as he looks down at a plain and emotionless Hana staring at the colourless floor beneath her in front of Itachi with Deidara still yelling stupid death threats in her face while Tobi rushes back to his dear Senpai's side. This time, Tobi is sent through the rooftop as plently of Deidara's clay explosions keep him up in the air helplessly.

    Growing tired of all the noise surrounding her, Hana sighs. “I’m going to my room.” She says quietly and weakly under everyone’s yells and shouts. “I did not tell you all to continue arguing did I? And Hana, you are coming with me.” Hana pauses at the door’s entrance at Pain’s last sentence and allows him to continue as the other Akatsuki members quiet down. "I have a mission for you and only you." Hana doesn't show any sign of acknowledging Pain, however.. "It is to hunt down the Jinchuriki, Naruto Uzumaki, who carries the Nine Tails in him." Hana instantly turns around to see Pain across the hall and with a fire buring in her eyes and heart, she replies in a stronger voice and large grin, "Where can I find this Naruto Uzumaki?"

    ~End Chapter 1, Part 2~

    Why is Hana in the Akatsuki and why is she acting like this? What was Tenshi to her and who was Tenshi really? How did Konoha’s Flower lose to the Tailed Beast? What happened after Hana awoke those years ago? What happened to Hana in those 15 years and her past? And what will she do to Naruto?

    Find out in Chapter Two… (If everyone enjoyed this chapter that is) Thanks very much for reading and I hope you liked it. ^^
    I apologize if it wasn't as good as Part 1 but I'll be improving for Chapter 2! I hope you all look forward to it and feel free to post a comment about Chapter 1, Part 2.
    Chapter Two link: http://www.narutobase.net/forums/sho...d.php?t=198771
     
         
    Last edited by xlilyx; 06-09-2012 at 02:54 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member -S-'s Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    good job!
     
         

  3. #3
    Swordsman Sabuto Hayashi's Avatar
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    Pierce the Heavens!!
     

    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Awesome!
    I liked it! :D
     
         

  4. #4
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonnelion View Post
    Nice job +rep :scorps:
    That's very kind of you Sonnelion. Thanks so much for commenting and viewing! ^^

    Quote Originally Posted by SM96UK View Post
    good job!
    Thank you S, I hope you liked it. And thank you so much for viewing this and posting a comment!

    Quote Originally Posted by TheOfficialSabuto View Post
    Awesome!
    I liked it! :D
    Yay! I'm very happy to know you enjoyed it. Thanks a lot for viewing and posting! ^_^
     
         

  5. #5
    Senior Member EL MAGNIFICO's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    O.OO.OO.Oit's really nice ...and the length is appropriate !!....keep it up !!
     
         

  6. #6
    ☆NR#1 Stalker on NB☆ Aze's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Wow this is actualy pretty intresting , considering the fact , that there are alot familiar Naruto characters

    Good amusement , Good Indeed + rep ,

    Ill support your FF for sure^^
     
         

  7. #7
    Senior Member uzumaki antonia's Avatar
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    too weird to live too rare to
    die
     

    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Wow that was so awsome
    I loved it
     
         

  8. #8
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    Crying. Crying and my tears
    arn't even seen as my heart
    bleeds on the inside.
     

    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    i like it even though its not my type of story...
     
         

  9. #9
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by EL MAGNIFICO View Post
    O.OO.OO.Oit's really nice ...and the length is appropriate !!....keep it up !!
    Ah! Arigatou friend! I'll keep it up! Thank you so much for all your support and help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aze View Post
    Wow this is actualy pretty intresting , considering the fact , that there are alot familiar Naruto characters

    Good amusement , Good Indeed + rep ,

    Ill support your FF for sure^^
    Thank you very much Aze! That means so much to me! Thanks so much for supporting this and I hope you enjoy the rest.

    Quote Originally Posted by uzumaki antonia View Post
    Wow that was so awsome
    I loved it
    :D Thank you uzumaki antonia! I'm really happy to know you like it, thanks so much!

    Thank you all for reading and posting your wonderful comments! ^_^

    @kiriahatake - I'm really happy you like it and thank you so much for reading and commenting!
     
         

  10. #10
    Senior Member uzumaki antonia's Avatar
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    too weird to live too rare to
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    You're welcome xlilyx you are a talented writer
     
         

  11. #11
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Nice ^_^
     
         

  12. #12
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by uzumaki antonia View Post
    You're welcome xlilyx you are a talented writer
    :'D That means the world to me uzumaki antonia! Thank you so very much, I'll try my best to improve! :D

    Quote Originally Posted by Bisma View Post
    Nice ^_^
    Thank you for reading and posting this Bisma! I'm really happy you liked it!
     
         

  13. #13
    Nyctophiliac Sinfonia's Avatar
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    And I hold within my hand
    Grains of the golden sand- How
    few! yet how they creep
    through my fingers to the
    deep, While I weep- while I
    weep! O God! can I not grasp
    them with a tighter clasp?
     

    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    don't apologize lily you're work is amazing
     
         

  14. #14
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by hinata020 View Post
    don't apologize lily you're work is amazing
    D Thank you! I'm so happy you like it! And sorry, I'll stop apologizing all the time, your post means a lot to me so thank you very much .
     
         

  15. #15
    Senior Member Shin Kaito's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    just came..now gonna read it
     
         

  16. #16
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    very well thought out.. i like it!
     
         

  17. #17
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Shin Kaito View Post
    just came..now gonna read it
    :o I really hope you enjoyed it! And thanks very much for spending your time to read it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Killer Vision View Post
    very well thought out.. i like it!
    D Thank you Killer Vision! I'm so glad you like it, thanks so much for reading the two parts and also posting. ^^
     
         

  18. #18
    Senior Member serenaandrosie's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    your getting there you are improving i enjoyed it, very well done you did a great job plus rep.
     
         

  19. #19
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by serenaandrosie View Post
    your getting there you are improving i enjoyed it, very well done you did a great job plus rep.
    :D Arigatou! I'm so happy you enjoyed reading it and thank you so much for saying I am improving, that's what I was hoping for. Including everyone enjoying it of course. Thank you very much.
     
         

  20. #20
    кιηg_ƒσяєνєя +PDatta+'s Avatar
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    Damn !! so much of work :(
     



    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    amazing!!
     
         

  21. #21
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by pdatta1992 View Post
    amazing!!
    D Thank you so much!
     
         

  22. #22
    Senior Member Supermacaquecool's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Wow! Well, you are good at intrigue.
    Now I'm more curious than before.
    You're also skillful at capturing character's personality, either yours or Kishi's.
    I'm looking forward for your next post (And I hope you won't troll us as kishi does..IoI I'm just joking).
    Just an advice for this one, if you don't mind: While writing complex sentences, first write every idea or action in a simple one and then join them with commas and semicolons, conjuctions or whatever you need. I say this cause Idk if it was due English it's not my native language but I had a little of trouble reading long sentences.
    At the end I understood all, but well, it's just an advice, I may be wrong.
     
         

  23. #23
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Supermacaquecool View Post
    Wow! Well, you are good at intrigue.
    Now I'm more curious than before.
    You're also skillful at capturing character's personality, either yours or Kishi's.
    I'm looking forward for your next post (And I hope you won't troll us as kishi does..IoI I'm just joking).
    Just an advice for this one, if you don't mind: While writing complex sentences, first write every idea or action in a simple one and then join them with commas and semicolons, conjuctions or whatever you need. I say this cause Idk if it was due English it's not my native language but I had a little of trouble reading long sentences.
    At the end I understood all, but well, it's just an advice, I may be wrong.
    Arigatou! :D I'm really happy you liked it! Haha I'm promise you I won't troll you... maybe... Thanks very much again! ^_^
    Ah advice, thank you! This I'll improve on, I swear! So I need to cut my sentences down? Some of them do go on for a couple of lines, I agree. Thank you very much, I'll do my best!
     
         

  24. #24
    I am an amazing Friend Yuka's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    I really enjoyed reading this, Nice Job
     
         

  25. #25
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuka View Post
    I really enjoyed reading this, Nice Job
    :D Thank you Yuka! I'm really happy you liked it! ^^
     
         

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