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  1. #1
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    This is my first Fanfic I have posted on a Forum so please go easy on me. But please feel free to tell me what my weaknesses are so I can improve. I’d be very grateful and I hope you all enjoy it.
    I’d like to thank EL MAGNIFICO for encouraging me to write one up myself and also for helping me with the rules on Fanfiction ad also sharing some tips.
    As my first Chapter appears to be too long and would look really boring, I’ll be posting Chapter 1, Part 2 later on today. Please note this is only Part 1 of Chapter 1 and the end of this chapter will be coming soon. (If everyone likes Part 1 that is..) And I apologize if my grammer isn't very good or if it truly is boring..
    Also, this chapter is only introducing my two main characters, it’s mainly talking in it.. and about them.. sorry. >< But I promise I’ll be writing up some entertaining fights in my next chapter and also including more of Kishi's characters! If this gets a passing grade that is. Please enjoy and thanks in advance for reading and posting!

    ~Chapter One, Part 1: A Frostbitten, Black Flower’s Angel~
    A flower’s life is short and sweet. The flower withers over time and comes to an elegant end. Flowers have a beautiful appearance, a gorgeous fragrance and a delight to see, touch and pick. They are strong souls that appear lifeless. A pale object with no meaning or need in this world. And yet, sometimes, a flower blossoms into more than just this. An existence praised by even the Lord’s above. However, when a perfect flower like this dies, another one is created, one which is far lower than the grotesque word ‘imperfect.’ And that flowers thorns can kill with one look, one sniff and one touch.

    “Achoo!” A child’s sweet and innocent voice caused a large swarm of tiny birds leave from the Training Ground. With one sneeze, her hiding spot was revealed from behind the Memorial Stone she emotionlessly stared at. “Hiding your Chakra won’t stop me from finding you dummy. Your mouth is still not stapled together, now that’s a big give away you know. And a shame.” A silver haired, tall woman spoke in a sarcastic voice at the end, showing off one of her adored, angelic grins as she leaned over the Memorial Stone to look down and see black hair flowing down to touch the grassy green ground. Meanwhile, the tiny Kunoichi below her was still embarrassingly wiping her nose, her black roots tickling her white, long fingers. The ghost like presence near the elegant woman whispered in a faint voice, “I want to stay here a little bit longer.” The woman gave out a loud and long sigh as she leapt over the gravestone, knocking her armour on it with a clang as she appeared in front of the uninterested child in less than a second. The child however did not show any emotion to the older woman’s swift actions, probably unable to see where she is thanks to that thick amount of midnight hair in front of her eyes. “Well there’s no moving you is there? So, if you’re staying here then I’m going to stay with you until you want to come home.” She said in a soft voice with a large smile as she sat herself next to the dark girl who resembled Sadako Yamamura. Silver eyes stared at the girl’s black hair, admiring the length and also trying to figure out what the little Ninja was staring at. Finally, with eyes closed and a small sigh, a smile covers the angel’s mouth as she speaks in a soft tone. “Tell me. What name are you gazing at?” Silence fell on the Training Ground with no response escaping the dehydrated girl’s lips but instead, “Rock, paper, scissors!” The female warrior removed her eyes from the miniature, ebony girl and peered over the Memorial Stone to find an energetic Guy with Kakashi who kept his eyes down on his favourite book. His left hand quickly forms a pair of scissors as Guy’s right hand shakes in fury as he makes paper. “Gah, Kakashi you beat me again!? How can this be!? You’re not even watching my moves!” Guy asked in rage as he made an over the top, drama queen, defeat stance. “I don’t need to because I’m that much better than you.” Kakashi replied to an angered Guy with a smile. Finally losing it, Guy jumps in the air while shouting “Dynamic Entry!” This ultimately sends, not Kakashi, but Guy crashing into a tree as Kakashi rolls along the floor to avoid the close attack. As Guy stumbles to his balance and instantly attacks Kakashi in annoyance, a small, weak response exits the lips of the dark aura besides the woman with a silver ponytail. “I sometimes wonder what it would be like to die. To die for our village’s safety and for the protection of our loved ones… I wonder... will I become a name known to everyone…?” The only sounds heard were the grunts and slams to the ground as Kakashi and Guy continue their spar. The tiny bud continues to talk to the listening angel besides her. “I wish I was more like you, because then, I wouldn’t have to worry about being acknowledged by Konoha or liked by everyone. Because, everyone loves you, no one hates you, you’re perfect.” The wind responds with her feelings and words, sending a shiver up her spine and black hair revealing her scarred back. “Hana, become a unique flower, opposite to me. Do not copy me or follow in my footsteps. Find yourself and follow your dream. Please, become a true Kunoichi, unlike me.” Tenshi replied, plastered with her beautiful, mesmerizing and sparkling smile. “Tenshi…” Hana finally looked up as the sun shone brilliantly in her empty, blackened eyes creating a small glimpse of light in them. “Come on, it’s time we leave this place. I don’t want you thinking thoughts like that you know.” Tenshi said with a bright smile, reaching out her extended hand. Hana nodded and responded with her first smile of the day, grabbing Tenshi’s hand slowly and gently as Tenshi teleports them to Konoha’s entrance.

    ~End Chapter 1, Part 1~
    Edit: Sadako Yamamura is from the Japanese horror movie, Ringu if anyone was unsure of that.
    Sorry for not adding that in at first..
    Chapter 1, Part 2 -> http://www.narutobase.net/forums/sho...d.php?t=198451
     
         
    Last edited by xlilyx; 06-08-2012 at 07:01 PM.

  2. #2
    Member Naruto the wind's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Nice..
     
         

  3. #3
    Senior Member IzunaUchiha2's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Nice bio for first timers
     
         

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    Senior Member IzunaUchiha2's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    fanfic i meant
     
         

  5. #5
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Quote Originally Posted by Naruto the wind View Post
    Nice..
    Oh, a post already? Exciting! Thank you very much for viewing and commenting!

    Quote Originally Posted by IzunaUchiha2 View Post
    Nice bio for first timers
    Quote Originally Posted by IzunaUchiha2 View Post
    fanfic i meant
    haha lol it's okay. I thought you sent a post in the wrong thread then, I got worried. Thanks a load! :D
     
         

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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Good job, Lily. OT: You have Itachi in your sig! Awesome!
     
         

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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    really good and descriptive.. very easy to imagine so yeah I like it although idk that reference to some person I think this - Sadako Yamamura, but nevertheless it was great to read :D Kakashi and Guy's part was humorous of course
     
         

  8. #8
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Quote Originally Posted by God Of The Uchiha View Post
    Good job, Lily. OT: You have Itachi in your sig! Awesome!
    ^_^ Thank you God Of The Uchiha. I'm very happy you like it. :D
    Haha, yep, he's my second favourite character you know!

    Quote Originally Posted by Anando View Post
    really good and descriptive.. very easy to imagine so yeah I like it although idk that reference to some person I think this - Sadako Yamamura, but nevertheless it was great to read :D Kakashi and Guy's part was humorous of course
    Oh thank you so much for reading it all and posting!
    Eek, I forgot to comment on that! So sorry, she's from Japanese horror movie The Ring, she's the dead girl. Aha Sorry... ><
    And thank you! I'm so happy you enjoyed it! D
     
         

  9. #9
    jinchuriki cyco22's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    nice
     
         

  10. #10
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Quote Originally Posted by cyco22 View Post
    nice
    D Yay! Arigatou cyco22! I'm happy to know you like it. ^^
     
         

  11. #11
    Senior Member EL MAGNIFICO's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    its very good lily ....and the part of kakashi and guy was amazing .....!!
     
         

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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    it was very nice for your first try lilly the Guy & Kakshi part was humerous but it was alittle confusing but dont let that get you down you have done a good job plus rep i am looking forward to reading your next chap i would like to see what happens next PM or VM me when you release your next chapter please.
     
         

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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    , Awesome chapter Lily. D Can't wait for the other part.
     
         

  14. #14
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Quote Originally Posted by EL MAGNIFICO View Post
    its very good lily ....and the part of kakashi and guy was amazing .....!!
    D Yay! Thanks so much for the positive feedback! I'll try to include moments like that again! ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by serenaandrosie View Post
    it was very nice for your first try lilly the Guy & Kakshi part was humerous but it was alittle confusing but dont let that get you down you have done a good job plus rep i am looking forward to reading your next chap i would like to see what happens next PM or VM me when you release your next chapter please.

    I understand, and I'll try my best! :D Thank you very much for posting and reading it. Thank you for the rep as well, that's very kind of you. And of course, I'll send you a link if that's okay? ^_^ Thank you so much serenaandrosie.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rose.. View Post
    , Awesome chapter Lily. D Can't wait for the other part.
    D Yay, Rose thanks so much for reading and commenting! I'm really happy you like it and it'll be coming soon! :D
     
         

  15. #15
    Senior Member Supermacaquecool's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Woowho! I finally finished to read (sorry, but I'm in a lazy state; however your story is so catchy that I couldn't leave for later).
    As it's been said before it's quite descreptive. I'll add the word accurate too (Have you ever read one of those books that are full of descriptions but it ends up being so heavy that it in long term it tell ya nothing? Well you pal have successfully avoided that mistake).
    P.S. Tenshi uh? How curious... you describe your character as angelical ;]
     
         

  16. #16
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Quote Originally Posted by Supermacaquecool View Post
    Woowho! I finally finished to read (sorry, but I'm in a lazy state; however your story is so catchy that I couldn't leave for later).
    As it's been said before it's quite descreptive. I'll add the word accurate too (Have you ever read one of those books that are full of descriptions but it ends up being so heavy that it in long term it tell ya nothing? Well you pal have successfully avoided that mistake).
    P.S. Tenshi uh? How curious... you describe your character as angelical ;]
    Ah no problem just please make sure you get some rest now. Sorry for making it so long but I'm really happy you enjoyed it. D
    I thought I made it look like a sort of book as it was really long so reading the words 'descreptive' and 'accurate' really makes me proud. And everyone has read it all so that makes me even more happier. :D
    Yep. ^^ I used those names because in Japanese, Tenshi means Angel and Hana means Flower, the names of the title. :3 Haha, she's Konoha Angel in this.
    Thank you very much for reading and posting, I'm ever so happy you liked it! ^_^
     
         

  17. #17
    El Gringo Loco The KleaNupGuy's Avatar
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Awe- Some!!
    Wayy to guud!The bit about the flower on the beginning was beautiful!
     
         

  18. #18
    OtakuOngakuNeko:3
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    Re: Konoha's Angel And Flower (Chapter 1, Part 1)

    Quote Originally Posted by The KleaNupGuy View Post
    Awe- Some!!
    Wayy to guud!The bit about the flower on the beginning was beautiful!
    D Arigatou friend!
    I'm so happy you liked that part, I tried my best coming up with it so I'm really glad someone thought it was beautiful. :D I'm also really happy you enjoyed reading it, thank you! ^^
     
         

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