Results 1 to 21 of 21
  1. #1
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    A dark, stormy night... [finished]

    The wind howled violently, rain pattered across the ground and beat rhythmically on the thatched roof. It was just like any other night this time of year, except Toshiro couldn't sleep a wink. His two sons didn't seem to have any problem snoozing, but all he could think about was his deceased wife. The boys were too young to remember her when she died, so they weren't in nearly as much pain.

    He peered out of the door, remembering the time he and his beloved ran barefoot through a storm just like this one having been caught in it unexpectedly. Her breath was still on his neck as if it was yesterday...

    "Daddy?" the older of the two brothers, Yama, said, tugging on his kimono.

    "What is it, shouldn't you be in bed?" Toshiro said lovingly.

    "The wind is too loud, it woke me up."

    Opening the door had obviously disturbed him. Toshiro told the boy to lie back down and try to go to sleep, but he took one more look outside just for the memory. Suddenly a black figure dashed from left to right only a mere two meters from the small house. At first it only earned his attention, too hard to see even at that distance, but the second time it was more than alarming.

    Moments later, both his sons came running, they heard something that obviously had them frightened.

    "Daddy, daddy, someone's banging on the shutters!" the two young children said in unison.

    Slightly panicked, Toshiro didn't know what to do. Then a shuriken hit the door as he was closing it, snapping him out of his indecision. He slammed the door and told the boys to go hide as best they could. He reached for the sword kept under his bedroll and took up a defensive position against the wall next to the entrance. If anyone was going to come in, it would be through there, everything else would leave the attacker at a disadvantage.

    It soon became clear these weren't just any marauders; they had more than basic knowledge of jutsu. Ice spears came bursting into the house from every direction, what was only a normal night had become a living nightmare. The roof was ripped to shreds, wood splinters flew around violently and within seconds the place was all but destroyed. Somehow the spikes missed Toshiro and both his sons.

    The boys were cowering in the far corner under a blanket, which protected them from the debris. Toshiro had a piece of wood find its way into his leg, which was yanked out quickly with a yelp of pain. Rain was now pouring into the house, almost every direction was open to attack and there was no front door anymore. He made sure the kids were okay, and then tested his leg to see if he could still stand. Shaken, but ready to fight if only to protect the children, He shouted out into the cold emptiness surrounding them.

    "Hey, you picked the wrong guy to mess with! Show yourselves! Give up! I might still be merciful!"

    Toshiro had no idea how many there were, but he knew there was at least two. For a moment, everything calmed down; there was no sign of the assailants, just the relentless rain. He knew they couldn’t have just run off, but neither were they doing anything. The man stood up, watered down blood flowing from his leg. The wound wasn’t deep and he could still use it effectively, but the pain was sobering.

    Stepping out from the ruined home, Toshiro drew his blade. It had been many years since he had wielded it, but feeling the hilt in his hand brought back all the training. A blood-thirst came over the man, his fear turned to anger and his anger to hatred. A hatred for those that blindly disregard life, for those that merely follow orders. This was no different than that night so long ago; only now the tables were turned.

    It was a night just like this one, and his squad had been ordered to slay all the villagers on the outskirts of a town that was to be attacked the following morning. Toshiro could still see the fear in the eyes of the innocent, the helpless. When it came time for him to deliver the killing strike to a young mother, he hesitated. Seeing this, the squad leader shoved him aside to do it instead, but the young shinobi killed him before he could. The man slaughtered his entire unit that night, and the next ten years was spent running for his life.

    These memories flooded into his head in an instant. They had been suppressed for so long, but now clear as crystal. He thought that it was long since forgotten, but now he realized these thugs were here for him. Why else would highly trained ninja be wreaking havoc on his small farm? Toshiro had stopped running, but they never stopped searching. His hunch was confirmed when he remembered the shuriken that hit the door, he didn’t think about it at the time, but it had that subtle shape in the unique style of his clan. This was a matter of honor for the clan; one of their own turned traitor and fugitive wasn’t good for reputation, but left unpunished was unacceptable.

    Rage boiled inside Toshiro, he didn’t understand why they couldn’t just leave it and let the past stay in the past. Then to come to his home and threaten his children, these people must have a death wish. His hand gripped the sword tightly as his knuckles turned white, his eyes became murderous and his heart beat faster with each passing second. Bolts of lightning flashed above in rapid succession, and his heightened senses went right to work.

    “One, two, three, four…five” He counted off slowly under his breath in a growling tone. “There are five…alright…time to die.”

    The surrounding shinobi had no idea he’d seen them, thinking their crouched positions in the tall grass was more than enough to hide them. Their eyes adjusted to the darkness again after the display of flashes, still fixed on Toshiro. He just stood there, an easy target, but these assassins knew that he was anything but that. They wanted to at least make a move; they were here to kill him after all. He had been standing in that one spot for almost a minute now, as if to taunt them into attacking. Being fanned out like this it was hard for them to coordinate the next move, each just barely close enough to see the next.

    Their leader was at the end of a three quarter circle on Toshiro’s three O’clock. He gave a series of hand signs to his subordinate nearest him, then that one turned to pass the message to the next. It was a flaw to be on the end like that, it would take longer for it to be passed along than if he had been in the middle and given the signal to two at once. Not that it could be changed now, the positions were set and the plan was to stagger each attack to throw their prey off guard.

    The last one turned to get the signal, and then saw his comrade fall before it was completed. The shinobi snapped his head to see if Toshiro had moved or thrown anything, but he was still standing there as lifeless as a statue. Then suddenly he felt something press against his neck, and a cold voice told him to stay still.

    “Who…who are you?! Help!” He cried in vain, expecting the team to come rushing to his aid.
    “They can’t hear you, you’re all alone…” The voice was like that of death, the sound of the rain seemed to be muffled when he spoke.
    The ninja peered out to look at the man still standing there unmoved, then turned ever so slightly to catch a glimpse of the man holding a sword to his throat. It was none other than Toshiro.

    “But…how?! You never moved!” The shinobi looked back at the motionless figure standing in the field and suddenly it vanished in a puff of smoke with the next lightning burst. “A shadow clone?!”

    It had happened just after the large chain of lightning strikes when Toshiro counted how many ninja there were. As each one turned to give the signal to the next, the last one who gave it was cut down. The lone shinobi put it together in his head, and realized they didn’t have a chance from the beginning.

    “What incredible speed for us to not have seen you…” He said in amazement, mostly to himself.

    The man gave him the headbands from his fallen squad.

    “Go, take these back with you. Tell that cowardly clan to either stop this foolishness, or suffer my wrath. Next time I won’t be satisfied with just killing a squad…”

    With that, Toshiro disappeared, the last member of the team sat clutching the four headbands of his closest friends. He looked up and saw a lumpy figure dash out of the house and off towards the mountains; a father carrying his two sons off to someplace dry. In that moment, the once ruthless Jounin realized that it wasn’t his lack of power which made him weak; it was his lack of honor.
     
         
    Last edited by Shinobi Train; 06-09-2012 at 01:23 AM.

  2. #2
    Ruler of Mechs Quontium15's Avatar
    Status
    Quontium15 is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    In front of my face
    Posts
    40
    Post Thanks / Like
    The epicness shall rise....!
     

    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Nice
     
         

  3. #3
    Panda ʕ●ᴥ●ʔ Mandy's Avatar
    Status
    Mandy is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    at a farm stealing all the potatoes
    Posts
    48,133
    Post Thanks / Like
    u want dis coochie buy me
    gucci
     

    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    That's nice. You have a good vocabulary c:
     
         

  4. #4
    Da' Rappin' Killer NBee maxhawk91's Avatar
    Status
    maxhawk91 is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    In a clay bird writing poetry...
    Posts
    272
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Epic
    Bravo
    *The crowd goes wild*
    I wanna be as great as you! I will be!



    Believe it!

    TO BE CONTINUED... :scorps:
     
         

  5. #5
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by maxhawk91 View Post
    I wanna be as great as you! I will be!



    Believe it!
    Oh I believe it!
     
         

  6. #6
    Banned
    Status
    spokentruth is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Under your Bed
    Posts
    1,552
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Did u make This story o our u copy and pasting??
     
         

  7. #7
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by spokentruth View Post
    Did u make This story o our u copy and pasting??
    Dude, I'm a published writer...why do I need to steal? This isn't even a hundredth of what I can do, it's sad and pathetic TBH; rereading I found tons of places to improve, and several errors...
     
         

  8. #8
    Senior Member Supermacaquecool's Avatar
    Status
    Supermacaquecool is offline
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Mexico city
    Posts
    3,439
    Post Thanks / Like
    Ñañañañaña
     

    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Aha! It's getting interesting.
     
         

  9. #9
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Okay, finished it, tell me what you think!
     
         

  10. #10
    Da' Rappin' Killer NBee maxhawk91's Avatar
    Status
    maxhawk91 is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    In a clay bird writing poetry...
    Posts
    272
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    I didnt see that coming!
    Can Toshiro use other Ninjutsu? :D
     
         

  11. #11
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by maxhawk91 View Post
    Can Toshiro use other Ninjutsu? :D
    Who knows, I guess we'll just have to find out... :D Speed and strategy was the advantage used here.

    If anyone thinks the story of Toshiro should be continued, I'd be happy to do so. I'm not sure what the next one should be called, but I'd like to stick with cliché titles...nor do I want to just make it like episode 1, 2, 3, etc. That's too...well...cliché. :lmao:
     
         

  12. #12
    Momura Rouzuke kinghadouken's Avatar
    Status
    kinghadouken is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    The universe is my home.
    Posts
    321
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Damn son. Your "isn't even a hundredth of what I can do" just made my fanfics seem like Garfield comic strips @.@
    TEACH ME MASTER! :D
     
         

  13. #13
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by kinghadouken View Post
    Damn son. Your "isn't even a hundredth of what I can do" just made my fanfics seem like Garfield comic strips @.@
    TEACH ME MASTER! :D
    Well, as you probably already know, it's mostly about the infamous practice. Sure there's a lot of pointers I could give and several excercises that will challenge you, increasing your skills a lot faster, but if I said that experience wasn't the key then I'd be doing you a disservice.

    I started writing when I was 8, now I'm 24. If I had just forced myself to write constantly, I would indeed be a master by now. Sadly, there's many to whom I cannot hold a candle. That being said, I'm no pushover either. My greatest weakness: description.

    Okay, here's a great tip, one that I still use daily to combat my Achilles heel: try to only use a word once, and don't use it again for a while. If you can write an entire chapter, for example, and never use a single word more than once, then that would make anyone a true master. Not that this is really possible, especially when it comes to words like "the" or "and", but it is possible with words like "inaniloquent". :D

    What this does is increases your vocabulary, thus allowing you to have more ways to describe things. It also makes you more aware of sentence structure, particularly how to build a sentence in such a way that omits a word you're trying to avoid using.

    One more thing, never forsake the grammar/spell checker. Also, familiarize yourself with the thesaurus; I personally use those that are online. Also, whenever you're writing, whether it's just a message to someone or even as silly as a note to yourself, use it as practice. Use words you wouldn't normally, check your spelling and grammar, go so far as to look up a synonym for something (like just now I think I broke google asking for a synonym...for synonym...lol)

    Since it takes a lot of practice, use every opportunity to you can. I used this message; though many would consider it annoying long, I couldn't care less, it was just one more thing to keep me on my toes.
     
         

  14. #14
    Momura Rouzuke kinghadouken's Avatar
    Status
    kinghadouken is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    The universe is my home.
    Posts
    321
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Well, as you probably already know, it's mostly about the infamous practice. Sure there's a lot of pointers I could give and several excercises that will challenge you, increasing your skills a lot faster, but if I said that experience wasn't the key then I'd be doing you a disservice.

    I started writing when I was 8, now I'm 24. If I had just forced myself to write constantly, I would indeed be a master by now. Sadly, there's many to whom I cannot hold a candle. That being said, I'm no pushover either. My greatest weakness: description.

    Okay, here's a great tip, one that I still use daily to combat my Achilles heel: try to only use a word once, and don't use it again for a while. If you can write an entire chapter, for example, and never use a single word more than once, then that would make anyone a true master. Not that this is really possible, especially when it comes to words like "the" or "and", but it is possible with words like "inaniloquent". :D

    What this does is increases your vocabulary, thus allowing you to have more ways to describe things. It also makes you more aware of sentence structure, particularly how to build a sentence in such a way that omits a word you're trying to avoid using.

    One more thing, never forsake the grammar/spell checker. Also, familiarize yourself with the thesaurus; I personally use those that are online. Also, whenever you're writing, whether it's just a message to someone or even as silly as a note to yourself, use it as practice. Use words you wouldn't normally, check your spelling and grammar, go so far as to look up a synonym for something (like just now I think I broke google asking for a synonym...for synonym...lol)

    Since it takes a lot of practice, use every opportunity to you can. I used this message; though many would consider it annoying long, I couldn't care less, it was just one more thing to keep me on my toes.
    You're 24? Wow. I'm just 18. -_- I assume you've had a background on Literature (which is why you can easily play with words)?

    Unfortunately, in the internet, grammar and vocabulary aren't that much of an importance (usually when one is trolling or just plain dumb) unless you'd count the number of "grammar nazi" existing in almost every website.

    Writing isn't exactly my forte (I write for leisure but I always try to check spelling and stuff) since my course (in college) is more on Mathematics.

    Anyways, thanks for sharing some tips! :D
     
         

  15. #15
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by kinghadouken View Post
    You're 24? Wow. I'm just 18. -_- I assume you've had a background on Literature (which is why you can easily play with words)?

    Unfortunately, in the internet, grammar and vocabulary aren't that much of an importance (usually when one is trolling or just plain dumb) unless you'd count the number of "grammar nazi" existing in almost every website.

    Writing isn't exactly my forte (I write for leisure but I always try to check spelling and stuff) since my course (in college) is more on Mathematics.

    Anyways, thanks for sharing some tips! :D
    No, not much of a background; my dad is a writer, and somewhat more talented in certain areas than myself. Other than the few tips I've had from him, I'm completely self taught. It's more of a hobby actually, so I mostly just have fun and not try too hard.

    Not that I'm a "grammar Nazi" (nor are Nazis the only ones concerned with grammar), but it sometimes does get on my nerves when people don't at least try. I've seen sentences formed before that I couldn't hardly read. I think it stems from either lack of education, laziness, or both...probably the lack of education comes from laziness. :D

    Oh well, I don't flame people for it; everyone thinks the internet is a place to just stop caring about that stuff, but for me it's a place to try harder since everyone will see what I'm posting.

    No problem, keep it up, and be sure to tell me when you right another.
     
         

  16. #16
    Senior Member serenaandrosie's Avatar
    Status
    serenaandrosie is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    New Bodhum
    Posts
    3,033
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    interesting chapter plus rep
     
         

  17. #17
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by serenaandrosie View Post
    interesting chapter plus rep
    Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it! Chapter 2 is better I think, though I'm not really labeling it as a series like 1,2,3,etc just giving each one a title and putting a number by it in my signature.
     
         

  18. #18
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
    Status
    ThatOneChick is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Reborn
    Posts
    9,070
    Post Thanks / Like
    SENZU BEAN
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    To be honest I'm not much one for fictions based on animes.
    I've read so many that they have tired me out and also lost my interest in them.
    However, I must say your vocabulary is better than my own and I respect that.
    It's one of the weak points I have that can be cured easily.
    Anyways, I enjoyed it and it's sad that Toshiro has to be a single father though.
    Balancing the two lives he has lived/lives will be interesting in future chapters.
    I rather enjoyed it, good work! ^_^
    Makes me want to tell you not to check out my own now.
     
         

  19. #19
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    To be honest I'm not much one for fictions based on animes.
    I've read so many that they have tired me out and also lost my interest in them.
    However, I must say your vocabulary is better than my own and I respect that.
    It's one of the weak points I have that can be cured easily.
    Anyways, I enjoyed it and it's sad that Toshiro has to be a single father though.
    Balancing the two lives he has lived/lives will be interesting in future chapters.
    I rather enjoyed it, good work! ^_^
    Makes me want to tell you not to check out my own now.
    Well, I was actually just trying to please the crowd, my original didn't have any jutsu or ninja stuff at all. This is actually something I had planned for a book, basically just an outline...and heavily modified. It will also need to be extended for the real thing, and the characters won't be Japanese. lol

    Yes, his past life is something the main character has to deal with, which is the premise for the book I'm writing. I do like swords and medieval settings, so it will most likely be written along these lines...

    Thank you, and now I want to check your FF even more, I'm sure its a lot better than you're letting on. ^_^
     
         

  20. #20
    Fiona Glenanne ThatOneChick's Avatar
    Status
    ThatOneChick is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Reborn
    Posts
    9,070
    Post Thanks / Like
    SENZU BEAN
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinobi Train View Post
    Well, I was actually just trying to please the crowd, my original didn't have any jutsu or ninja stuff at all. This is actually something I had planned for a book, basically just an outline...and heavily modified. It will also need to be extended for the real thing, and the characters won't be Japanese. lol

    Yes, his past life is something the main character has to deal with, which is the premise for the book I'm writing. I do like swords and medieval settings, so it will most likely be written along these lines...

    Thank you, and now I want to check your FF even more, I'm sure its a lot better than you're letting on. ^_^
    I guess I'm more so of a rebel than anything.
    I write what makes me happy, not what other's think about it.
    As when it boils down to it all, if you're not happy with what you write, it leaks into your writing and the readers will pick up on it.
    Writing is so personal to me, so I don't like to write based on a pre-existing story line as it doesn't leave much room for my imagination.
    Your book will be awesome and I wish you the best of luck with it! (Though you won't need it lol)
    >.> It really isn't, though if Reborn saw this post he would argue with me continuously about it.
     
         

  21. #21
    The Devil's Advocate Shinobi Train's Avatar
    Status
    Shinobi Train is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Inside your head...
    Posts
    6,022
    Post Thanks / Like
    Smacking b*tch
    nigga's...>.>
     



    Re: A dark, stormy night...

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatOneChick View Post
    I guess I'm more so of a rebel than anything.
    I write what makes me happy, not what other's think about it.
    As when it boils down to it all, if you're not happy with what you write, it leaks into your writing and the readers will pick up on it.
    Writing is so personal to me, so I don't like to write based on a pre-existing story line as it doesn't leave much room for my imagination.
    Your book will be awesome and I wish you the best of luck with it! (Though you won't need it lol)
    >.> It really isn't, though if Reborn saw this post he would argue with me continuously about it.
    lol, I agree, if you don't like what you're writing, then it's just rubbish. You can't please everyone, so you have to please yourself. You'll also notice that there's very little battling in my story, especially in chapter two. I don't like battles so much, however, the series is leading up to one big fight...don't want to spoil anything, but it will be epic to say the least.

    Exactly, limitations on imagination just cloud your style. Most FFs have characters from a show, but no character in mine has ever been in any of them (though I just realized that Toshiro is also the name of a Bleach character...ooops, not intentional though).

    Yes, I'm also going to argue with you about that very thing. A thousand people can believe in you, but if you don't believe in yourself it's worthless. So stand up and show them that their faith isn't misplaced... :scorps:
     
         

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •