Results 1 to 14 of 14
  1. #1
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
    Status
    Netsui is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Heat Haze
    Posts
    5,581
    Post Thanks / Like
    Writer in Training! I have so
    much I want to write, but
    there's not enough hours in
    the day.
     



    Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    Chapter 6 is finally here! I worked really hard on it, but I think there's too much dialogue, not enough action. But sometimes dialogue is important, and I found that this chapter was an important dialogue chapter. Enjoy~~ :overjoy:

    Chapters:
    Chapter 1: Chapter 1
    Chapter 2: Chapter 2
    Chapter 3: Chapter 3
    Chapter 4: Chapter 4
    Chapter 5: Chapter 5


    Fate or Hope

    Chapter 6

    She wheeled over where she saw them at, and didn't care if any of the students saw her. She had to get over there, otherwise she had no idea what would happen. 'What is he doing here? There's no reason to be at my school!'

    She reached where the masked man was at and yelled, “What are you doing here!?”

    She looked around the area to see the small group of people. The masked man was there, along with a girl next to him. Across from them, and next to her, was a guy who looked familiar. It would be weird that the masked man would want to talk to a student, but she never knew what he was planning.

    The girl next to him was one that she never saw before. She had short, straight brown hair that went down to her neck. Her eyes were the same exact color as her hair, and reminded her of mud on a rainy day. She wore a white t-shirt that looked like a cloud, and black jeans that resembled the night sky.

    The student next to her looked like that he could be related to the girl. He had the same exact eyes as her, but his hair was curly, not straight. But his brown, curly hair went down to his neck as well. It seemed like he was the opposite of the girl. He wore a black t-shirt, and white jeans. He really did look like the girl though. The only thing that was different was that he looked very pale for some reason.

    “I didn't expect to see you here today. Does your head feel better already?” the masked man asked.

    She actually never noticed that she barely felt any pain from her head. It only felt like a small headache, as if she never got hit in the head. “That's none of your concern. Why are you here?”

    “Who do you think you are? Talking to Lord Tatsuki like that! We're here for business!” the girl exclaimed.

    “Calm yourself, Eita. We came here to talk, nothing more,” the masked man said.

    Tatsuki and Eita. She finally found out the masked man's name, but she didn't care about the girl. “Talk? What business would you have with a student?”

    “We're not the only people out there was unlocked their powers. Isn't that right, Kota?” the masked man asked.

    She looked at Kota, and he was looking at the ground. He also had a power like her. 'What is he thinking now? He probably wanted to keep it a secret, but now he's talking to Tatsuki about it.'

    “It doesn't matter if I unlocked it. If you want to talk, what do you want to talk about?” Kota asked seriously.

    She heard his voice before. It could have been during school, but something is telling her that she heard his voice somewhere outside of school. She couldn't seem to remember where she heard his voice at before.

    “I told him what happened, Kota. You can't hide it from us anymore,” Eita said. “You came home yesterday after school, but you were late. I noticed how you were covered in blood, even though Mom and Dad didn't notice. I thought you were going to die! I worry about you, but I found it weird that you never told me what happened.”

    “You care about me? Since when? You only cared about fulfilling Tatsuki's goal! He was there yesterday when I got hurt. I saw him, watching us. He didn't even help from my point of view,” Kota said harshly.

    That was where she heard his voice! He was the guy who called the cops, and got shot! She thought his wound wasn't that serious, but Eita said he was in a bloody mess. 'Was his injury that serious?'

    “I thought I would observe, and interfere if I had to. Of course you don't remember much. You wouldn't listen to me when I told you not to go to the hospital, so I had to insist that you went home,” the masked man laughed. “That's a wonderful healing ability you got there. Why are you so scared to use it? Your power could really be useful to us. You should join us, Kota. Your fear of your power would disappear. We want to change the world for good, not for evil. You could assist us in defeating that girl right there.”

    He was really getting on her nerves. It was like she wasn't right there, listening in. He couldn't expect Kota to join them! Nobody in their right mind would want to join forces with him! She would not allow Tatsuki to do as he pleased anymore. “Do you really expect me to just sit here and watch?” she asked angrily. “All you're doing is messing up lives, and being selfish. You want to change the world for the good? Don't make me laugh. You nearly killed a group of people when you attacked that government building! How is that changing the world for the good? I don't want to kill anybody, but if I have to, I'll kill you and your friends! If that's what I have to do to change the world, then I'll do it!”

    She felt a surge of energy in her body with every word she said. She wasn't going to worry about anything else that time. She could not afford to get distracted by something else. She had to beat Tatsuki and Eita, and she had to do it before they could run away! 'I won't run away anymore!' “I'm going to be serious this time! I can't afford to mess up!” She put her hands together, and then glared at the two. She felt the surge of energy go into her hands, and then lightning appeared around her hands. She felt pain because the lightning messed with her burns, but she had to use the lightning since it was there! “Messing around with lives as if they were pawns. Don't expect to get away after doing that! Lightning Clash!”

    The lightning left her hands, and went toward Tatsuki and Eita at amazing speed. There was no way they would be able to dodge an attack that quick. There was no way they were faster than lightning.

    The lightning reached them, and then smoke filled the area. She covered her mouth to stop dirt and smoke from entering her mouth, and waited to see if she got them. She couldn't hear anything; the lightning had to have attacked its target.

    “Don't let your guard down, Mavi. Eita wouldn't go down that easily, and I bet Tatsuki would be even harder to get rid of,” Kota warned.

    She waited until the smoke cleared away, and then she saw Tatsuki and Eita there. There wasn't even a scratch on them, and there was no sign of any lightning on the ground. “What happened? Lightning isn't that easy to get rid of that!”

    “Did you expect your power to be greater than mine? You just unlocked your power yesterday, right? While some of us had ours for years, and were waiting for our chance to change the world!” Eita yelled.

    “She's right, Mavi. We've been waiting for our time to strike. We knew from the beginning that someone like you would show up, so we were prepared to attack,” Tatsuki agreed. “Eita, restrict her.”

    Eita didn't even move, or change her expression, but wood came from the ground, and tied up her hands. She tried to break free, but the wood wouldn't even allow her to move.

    “Do you like it? It's my power. I mastered it so I don't even have to move. Not to mention that my wood is far stronger than your thunder,” she said. “Now Kota, will you consider joining us? Your power could save lives of those who accidentally get hurt.

    “Accidentally? Why would I join you when you're going to end up hurting innocent people accidentally? I'm not going to help you if all you intend to do is fight!” he exclaimed angrily.

    “Kota, don't misunderstand what we're saying. We don't want to hurt innocent people. If we hurt them we want you to help them. You can do that, right? I won't force you to join us, but I highly insist that you join us,” Tatsuki said.

    Tatsuki kept on using the word insist. He didn't say it to the chief, but the chief suddenly changed his mind when she was injured yesterday. He said it earlier, while he was talking to Kota. He was doing something, but he was trying to mask it! She looked at Kota, who was smiling. He was smiling like the chief.

    “No, Kota! Don't listen to him!” she shouted. “You said that you wouldn't help them! Was that a lie?”

    There was no response from him. He was still smiling. He was acting like he didn't hear her at all. Tatsuki's power was strong, if Kota was planning on joining them already. “Can you hear me, Kota? Don't listen to Tatsuki! Can you imagine a world that he creates? Can you imagine all the people he will kill to get the world he wants?”

    “It's useless, Mavi. He can't hear your voice anymore. He can only hear my voice, and those allied with me,” Tatsuki said. “Lets go, Kota. We have to plan our next move.”

    Kota started walking towards them, and she couldn't stop the panic that was affecting her. She couldn't allow Kota to go with them. She needed an ally, someone who could help her with everything. He got shot trying to help her. She couldn't possibly let him go after that! “You got shot at, Kota! You got shot at trying to protect me! Please, snap out of Tatsuki's control!”

    There was still no response, but all of a sudden the wood disappeared, and there was a purple glow illuminating from her. A soft, gentle light. It felt like someone was trying to protect her, and Kota.

    Eita was covering her eyes. “What is that light!? I can't see!”

    Kota was looking around; the smile was off his face.

    “Another unexpected event. That light. It didn't go as planned,” Tatsuki said with a hint of anger in his voice. “Eita, we're retreating.”

    The two of them disappeared, and the purple light dimmed away. 'What was that?' She knew where it came from, but she couldn't explain why the orb Kenji gave her did that. 'Kenji, did you protect us just now?'

    “What was that? What happened? I remember Tatsuki asking me to join him, but after that it's all a blur,” Kota asked.

    “He tried to control you so you would join them,” she said. “Kota, I know you probably don't want to get involved, but can you help me? I need an ally against them. Eita is his ally, but I'm alone. I don't know how many people he has supporting him. I don't want to fight, but I want to protect the people I care about. I want to change the world for my friend who died.”

    He looked at her with a surprised look on his face. She knew he was going to say no, but she had to ask him. She had to try, even if it was futile. He was shot, and was still in pain from it. There was no way he would join her against Tatsuki, but she couldn't do it alone!

    “I never said I wanted to stay out of it,” he said. “I only said I wouldn't join someone who thinks fighting is the way to enforce their beliefs. You, on the other hand, have a belief of your own, but you don't want to fight. You had someone close to you die. How can I say no to someone like that? The death of a loved one is something that absolutely hurts the ones they left behind, but it can lead them to the right path.”

    “So, that means-”

    “Yeah. You have an ally, Mavi.

    Author's Note
    Yeah, I know. A lot of dialogue. I'm not a fan of it. But I found that it was necessary for this chapter! Though I am not a fan of Chapters 5 and 6. I'm going to try to make Chapter 7 much better.
     
         
    Last edited by Netsui; 06-07-2012 at 10:39 PM.

  2. #2
    Reborn's Avatar
    Status
    Reborn is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Imagine paradise, now think of the furthest thing from it, and I'm in the place furthest from that.
    Posts
    11,256
    Post Thanks / Like
    Belongs to my Shishou
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    :overjoy: I'm first :scorps: I shall read it now or a little later :o if that's okay
     
         

  3. #3
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
    Status
    Netsui is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Heat Haze
    Posts
    5,581
    Post Thanks / Like
    Writer in Training! I have so
    much I want to write, but
    there's not enough hours in
    the day.
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Reborn View Post
    :overjoy: I'm first :scorps: I shall read it now or a little later :o if that's okay
    Of course it's okay. And congrats on being first. Remember to read Chapter 5, if you haven't done so yet. :D
     
         

  4. #4
    Senior Member serenaandrosie's Avatar
    Status
    serenaandrosie is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    New Bodhum
    Posts
    3,043
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    AWSOME as usual Netsui i enjoyed it and no fair Reborn
     
         

  5. #5
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
    Status
    Netsui is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Heat Haze
    Posts
    5,581
    Post Thanks / Like
    Writer in Training! I have so
    much I want to write, but
    there's not enough hours in
    the day.
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    Quote Originally Posted by serenaandrosie View Post
    AWSOME as usual Netsui i enjoyed it and no fair Reborn
    I'm glad you liked it, even though I didn't like it that much. I hope people got the mysterious part at the end. I made it hard to realize.
    And is a race to see who comments on my chapters first now...? :confused:
     
         

  6. #6
    Senior Member serenaandrosie's Avatar
    Status
    serenaandrosie is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    New Bodhum
    Posts
    3,043
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Netsui View Post
    I'm glad you liked it, even though I didn't like it that much. I hope people got the mysterious part at the end. I made it hard to realize.
    And is a race to see who comments on my chapters first now...? :confused:
    i like Mystery i am looking forward to the next chapter & yep let the race begin i will beat reborn next time lol
     
         

  7. #7
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
    Status
    Netsui is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Heat Haze
    Posts
    5,581
    Post Thanks / Like
    Writer in Training! I have so
    much I want to write, but
    there's not enough hours in
    the day.
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    Quote Originally Posted by serenaandrosie View Post
    i like Mystery i am looking forward to the next chapter & yep let the race begin i will beat reborn next time lol
    Did you get the mystery part at the end? :D Or did I mask it too much?

    . xD Reborn vs Seren. Who wins!? :noc:
     
         

  8. #8
    I am an amazing Friend Yuka's Avatar
    Status
    Yuka is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    United states
    Posts
    6,311
    Post Thanks / Like
    i'm not feeling well
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    I really enjoyed reading Your story it was Good keep up the excellent work
     
         

  9. #9
    Previous username: Yama Pleiades's Avatar
    Status
    Pleiades is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    My mind: you don't belong here.
    Posts
    27,293
    Post Thanks / Like
    Don't judge my replies or my
    persona, constructed from the
    vibe and perceptions my avatar
    gives you. The contents of my
    reply doesn't represent the
    character in my ava (despite
    its origins), they represent
    the human behind the screen.
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    I absolutely loved the dialogue, Netsui. Once again, a nice display of brilliance, and yeah this is actually my favorite chapter. I love how it was done, you're a natural, and you manage to add suspense in each chapter. Your love for writing shows. And I loved the action as well.


    Though, I think you mean lightning instead of thunder, as thunder is a sound caused by lightning.
     
         

  10. #10
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
    Status
    Netsui is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Heat Haze
    Posts
    5,581
    Post Thanks / Like
    Writer in Training! I have so
    much I want to write, but
    there's not enough hours in
    the day.
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    Quote Originally Posted by -Yama- View Post
    I absolutely loved the dialogue, Netsui. Once again, a nice display of brilliance, and yeah this is actually my favorite chapter. I love how it was done, you're a natural, and you manage to add suspense in each chapter. Your love for writing shows. And I loved the action as well.


    Though, I think you mean lightning instead of thunder, as thunder is a sound caused by lightning.
    Thanks for letting me know about that last part. I always got those 2 confused, and thought Lightning was the sound. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
     
         

  11. #11
    Member Naruto Namikaze 01's Avatar
    Status
    Naruto Namikaze 01 is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    353
    Post Thanks / Like
    This user has no status.
     

    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    sorry i didn't comment when i first read chapter 4,5 and 6 for the contest to many to read and i just read the first three chapters of your FF to. I like it please let me know when the next chapter comes out
     
         

  12. #12
    Writing time~ Netsui's Avatar
    Status
    Netsui is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Heat Haze
    Posts
    5,581
    Post Thanks / Like
    Writer in Training! I have so
    much I want to write, but
    there's not enough hours in
    the day.
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Naruto Namikaze 01 View Post
    sorry i didn't comment when i first read chapter 4,5 and 6 for the contest to many to read and i just read the first three chapters of your FF to. I like it please let me know when the next chapter comes out
    I'm glad you liked it. And sure, I'll let you know as soon as Chapter 7 is out.
     
         

  13. #13
    Rikudo Sennin ~Uzumaki~'s Avatar
    Status
    ~Uzumaki~ is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Nigeria
    Posts
    6,133
    Post Thanks / Like
    The Lord is my light and my
    salvation; whom shall I fear?
    the Lord is the strength of my
    life; of whom shall I be
    afraid
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    Great chap. Next.
     
         

  14. #14
    Tsūki's Avatar
    Status
    Tsūki is offline
    Gender
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    35,745
    Post Thanks / Like
    "Too lazy"
     



    Re: Fate or Hope Chapter 6

    I don't know why you're saying that you're not a fan of this chapter I think it was great, even with dialogue
     
         

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •